Listen to your body.

This quote seriously just brought tears to my eyes. I am SO frustrated with myself!
It will never be easy and it will never end.
One step forward...2 steps back. One step forward...two steps back. I don't consider myself a dancer, but I have gotten really good at this dance!
FOOD!!!! WHY must you torment me so?!?
I don't like to throw blame for my own actions...but...hormones, I feel, are a key player in my current "love" of this dance. In a month, there are 4-5 weeks, right?. And, in a month, there are 1-2 weeks that I want to devour everything I see. Coincidence?? I think not. How do I fix this?? Lock myself in a room with no food...oh, if only it were that easy!
This week, it has been S.U.G.A.R...I want sugar and LOTS of it! And...do I say no?? NOPE! I eat it...I love it...I want more of it...and I know that what I am doing is completely screwing up my plan!
But...here is where my head on this. And, it could be only because I am trying to validate my poor choices somehow. Whatever the reason... here is my thought. This is a life journey, right? I am learning how to change my lifestyle, right? Well, I know that, 90% of the time, if not more, I behave myself. I eat well, I exercise and I lose weight. So...that 10% or less, that I screw up or give in, should be allowed in my opinion. Without beating myself up...too bad. Is that lame? Is that asking too much? I don't think so.

"No man is a failure who is enjoying life" ~William Feather
"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently."  ~Henry Ford
"The person interested in success has to learn to view failure as a healthy, inevitable part of the process of getting to the top." ~Dr. Joyce Brothers
"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed." ~Michael Jordan

Of course...I want everything I do to be perfect, no hiccups or missteps. But that's not realistic. I know I am not a failure, but that doesn't mean that I still don't feel like I've failed when I have a week or two of going of course. I am having to correct my moments of weakness over and over, and that gets frustrating. But, I keep telling myself...this is life...this is my life. And, if that's how I have to operate to succeed than so be it...it will just take me a little longer to get to my goal. At least, I will get there and I will have learned how to fall and get back up.
One good thing that has come from my new "step" dance, is that I have become much more aware of my body and how it reacts to my behaviors. I am learning how to "listen to my body", something that Aimee tells me to do on a regular basis. I have been very fortunate when it comes to my health, I don't get sick very often and I am not affected by allergies much. I have never been one that has to analyze every single ache or pain or sneeze. I pretty much have the attitude of, "whatever...it'll pass, just let it run it's course".
What has changed in the way that I live, is how I eat and how much more exercise that I get now. So, my mind and my body have experienced something different...something to use in comparison when I get off track. What I mean by that is, I am much more aware of my body and how different it feels when I eat like crap. Because now I know what it feels like when I eat healthy too. So, I have that comparison.
I have started to drink soda again. BIG mistake!! I have noticed huge differences because of that. Soda is the devil! It causes so many side effects that I have forgotten about because of eliminating it for so long. I am hungrier, moodier, more tired, crave sugar, crave more soda, retain water more, my lips are dry because I'm not drinking enough water, my mind is foggy, my eyes feel unfocused...I'm sure there's more. But...even after I said all that...I want a soda!! So, that's my point, it's the devil!!
Anyway...what I am trying to say is...my 2 steps back help me get a better view, so I can twirl ahead of where I was before. 
I am listening to my body and how it feels when I don't take care of it. If I act on that and quit giving into things that I want now, it will help me get to the thing that I want most! To be healthy...in body, mind and soul. Listening to my body is not just about food, it's about rest and giving it whatever attention it needs at that moment. That will bring me overall health. 
So, these missteps or "failures" have been a good thing because it has given me the ability to listen to my body. I am able to recognize what I need because I now have something to use as reference. In time I will be able to respect my needs and not let my temptations get the best of me so often. My ickiness feeling will outweigh the "bliss" feeling. In time...I hope, sooner than later.
Remember...patience, understanding, compassion and forgiveness.