Following through till the end. Focus.

Follow through. Or lack thereof. That is probably what my biggest obstacle is in getting to any of the goals that I set for myself.
I notice it more and more. And, it is becoming more and more of a problem. I have always had big dreams...ambitious goals...and lots of desires. But...I have also struggled with lack of patience and getting bored easily. I was like this as a kid too. My mom would get me toys and I'd lose interest right away and not play with it anymore.
I am great at talking and coming up with grand ideas. But...I am lousy at following through with a lot of things that I say I'm going to do. I lose interest. I find something better...repeatedly. It drives my family nuts because they never know what to expect. My mind changes minute to minute. I'll create a routine that seems perfect...then I'll change it. Why?? I don't know. I get bored. I like to liven things up. I don't want to feel restricted.
I yearn for a life that doesn't feel so chaotic. Problem is...I am the one that makes it chaotic. If I could just stick with what I know works, things would feel a lot less stressful for me.
I'll close my eyes and visualize exactly how I want my days/weeks to go. I mean, I know how I operate best, I know what works best for my family...I know, I know, I know. So...why can't I just stick with it. Answer is...focus issues or better known as, ADD. Which, I hate using that as an excuse. But, honestly, it's quite accurate. My attention span is sometimes non-existent. And, that makes it so hard for me to create a routine...because I get bored. I feel like I always have to change things. This is one main reason why dieting and exercise is such a struggle for me. The other reason is...I just don't like it and I don't want to do it. But, we'll look past that one. LOL! ;)
Now, going back to lack of focus and follow through. Any diet or exercise plan requires planning. I need to think ahead and plan out what I am going to eat and figure out how many points that will be. I need to plan out what kind of exercising I'm going to do and when and where and how long. Seems pretty simple right? Well...for my brain...it is FAR from simple. To be able to sit down and focus long enough to complete my planning...is torture! I lose focus...I get bored...my attention gets distracted in a million different directions. And...if my brain cooperates, and that is a big if...if, I am able to create a plan...most likely I'll want to change it. Because, well...I don't know. Now can you see my problem?!? Frustrating.
I am trying, I really am. But, my brain shuts down. Then I get irritated and say "Screw it!" So, how do I settle down my brain, so I can get to my goals. And, how can I convince my brain that I don't need to change everything over and over, especially if it's working!
This has been my battle for years! This is why I lose weight and then gain it back. I am going to go back to the doctor and really try to figure out how to help this. I was with the same doctor for years and switched earlier this year to another doctor that took lots of blood work and saw some red flags, but she wasn't on our insurance and I never followed through with our findings to search for remedies. Imagine that...I didn't follow through. LOL. So, I am going to try a new doctor and have them evaluate my current medication, and see if I need to add more or whatever. It scares me though, because I really don't like medicines. Who knows what kinds of side effects they'll bring. But...on the flip side, it may be the answer to my prayers. I really want something to be able to help me focus and stop being such a worrier. Plus, my memory SUCKS and that also scares me because my grandma just passed away from Alzheimer's disease and I've heard that it runs through the mother's genes...and she is my maternal grandmother.
I have rejoined WW, I started last week. I am determined to get this weight off and get my body healthy again. I am taking it day by day. I am being compassionate with myself, yet still forcing myself to get my act in gear. It's a fine line. I was very nervous to get on the scale because I knew how well I was taking care of myself over the past several months. I wasn't exercising and I certainly wasn't watching what I ate. So...this is where I am at right now...I weighed in at 358.4 lbs. Very disappointed and frustrated with myself to say the least. At my lowest, in February or March, I was 288 lbs. I have gained back 70 lbs in 6 months. Which, also worries me and urges me even more to see the doctor again. I know that I ate like crap, but that is a lot of weight to gain back in a short amount of time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to make excuses, I will take full responsibility for my actions. I'm just curious to see if there are other reasons why I put back on so much weight. On the plus side though, I am still lighter than where I was when I began this journey. So...that's good.
My goals...
1. To eat better. Add in the fruits and veggies. Tremendously cut down the sugar and soda. Not ready to omit it just yet.
2. To move more. I retain water like crazy and I know walking and swimming help. I will incorporate more when I feel I'm ready.
3. To sleep longer and better. If I stay active and drink no caffeine, I'll sleep better. If I go to bed earlier, that will allow my mind to rest longer which will hopefully help my focus issues.
4. To set up a weekly routine and follow through with it. Then make it a 2 week routine. Force myself to be content and be ok with not changing things so often.
5. Have fun. Stop being so hard on myself. :)
Small steps. Keep it Simple. It can be done.