It's surreal thinking that it's only a few days until my weight loss surgery day. 😲 I remember when our insurance said that there will be a 6 month required medically supervised diet along with several other specialist visits I'd need to do in order for the surgery to be covered, I thought, "SIX MONTHS! Ugh!! That is forever!!". But, honestly...it has flown by. And, I am so glad that I was forced to wait 6 months. I've went through a lot of mental growth and emotional reflection and acceptance over this 6 month period. Not to mention, I have been able to notice and feel how my body reacts to certain behaviors and habits. I never wanted to accept that what I eat makes all the difference. I loved eating unhealthy food and a lot of it! I kept going to the doctor for varies symptoms and ended up with another medication suited for it, which would bring on a different symptom...and then another medication. I was getting so frustrated and depressed at the decline of my mobility, endurance and independence.
My decision to get this surgery was actually brought on without me even questioning it. I had gotten a CT Scan for some chest and lower abdominal pain which showed that I have an umbilical and hiatal hernia. I was referred to a general surgeon to get them fixed. While speaking to this doctor he said that he wasn't comfortable doing the surgery on me because of my size and blood clot history, so he was going to refer me to another surgeon that specializes in weight loss surgery, but also does hernia repairs. After that conversation, I began to seriously think about this option. "Is weight loss surgery my next step??" I've always had the mindset that I wanted to lose weight the natural "no help" way because I was the one responsible for gaining it. Kind of a punishment to myself for my irresponsible way of living. One evening at a family get together, all of the women were sitting around talking and I brought up the option of getting surgery. To my surprise everyone thought it was a good idea. That was very comforting. We all realize that if I continue on this unhealthy path, that my risks of dying young are way higher than the risks that go along with getting the surgery. So...surgery it is.
The surgery I will be getting is the Gastric Sleeve. This surgery will remove 85% of my stomach including the part that produces the hormone that boosts the appetite. Originally, because of the amount of weight I have to lose, I wanted the surgery that involves bypassing part of the intestine because that increases the weight loss results by malabsorption in addition to a smaller stomach. But, my surgeon recommended I start simpler with the sleeve because of my other health problems. If I am not happy with the results of how much weight I've lost after about a year then he can go back in and do the rerouting part to get off the rest of the weight, if that's necessary. I am happy with that plan. I don't have a desire to be thin...I'm not built that way and I love having curves and being "comfy". The desire that I have is to be healthy, to feel better and to have fun with my family again.
In preparation for surgery day, I have been on a liquid diet for over 2 weeks now. This diet consists of protein drinks, broth, sugar free jello, sugar free popsicles and sugar free Crystal Light drinks. I am actually VERY surprised at how well I have done on this. I thought for sure, I'd be hangry all the time. I thought my moods would be awful. But, I have no appetite most of the time. I do miss the action of eating...biting into a big burger or burrito, chewing and swallowing. I miss PIZZA! I don't miss sweets. I miss the habits of going out to eat lunch, making popcorn and drinking soda during movie night and what I miss most is eating with my family.
The changes that I have felt in my body over the past 2 weeks is amazing. For years, my whole body ached all the time, walking was very difficult most of the time and my energy level was non existent. Lately, the tenderness and aches have decreased tremendously and my mind is alert and I have the desire to be productive again! You can't imagine what that feels like! I feel like I have been trapped in my body for a LONG time! This is beyond exciting for me!! I am getting my quality of life back!!! I have always been SO blessed with love and happiness in my marriage and relationships with my kids, family and friends, but there has always been a void because I was so limited with what I could do with them. I am seeing that void starting to diminish. I know in time my body will shrink, my health problems will start to fade and I will be able to do the things I've been missing out on very soon. I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Thinking about the future and what it holds is a very positive thing for me now. I know in time, with hard work and dedication my world is opening up with possibilities. So...here is a list of things I have to look forward to...
GOALS AND DREAMS OF A FAT GIRL...things I'm looking forward to.
Some are simple things that are taken for granted to most, but all are exciting for ME.
1. Being able to climb a ladder so I can decorate my house by myself.
2. Being able to climb stairs without a handrail AND carry something.
3. Go to restaurant and be able to sit ANYWHERE. No more "A table with a chair please".
4. Being able to fit in a chair with arms and not get bruises on my hips.
5. Go to events and concerts and sports games and be able to sit in the stadium seat comfortably.
6. Not worry about parking and the walking distance to wherever I am headed. Or a vehicle parking too close to me.
7. Going shopping without getting tired right away.
8. Fit in ONE airplane seat without my fatness spilling over.
9. Play sports with my kids. Show them that mommy is actually a very good athlete.
10. Show Sydney that it really isn't so bad to look like me. 😉
11. I want to go on more outdoor adventures...maybe even go camping. 😏
12. I want to go on trips and see all around the United States and other countries and not be limited to our activities because of my size and stamina.
13. I want to shop in normal stores and not in the plus size section.
14. I want to wear cute shoes.
15. I want to start up my own crafting business and bring in my own income.
16. I want to grow old with Mike and sit on our front porch, holding hands, drinking hot chocolate with the firepit burning and reminisce about our life together and all the happy memories we have together.
17. I want to watch my kids get married and have kids.
18. I want to play with my grandkids and teach them how to have fun, be thoughtful, always look on the bright side and smile. AND...be silly and enjoy a good laugh.
19. I want to be there for my kids for a LONG time to hug them, encourage them and see all their accomplishments.
20 MOST importantly... I want to make my family proud. I want to make myself proud. I want to prove to myself that I can do hard things.
I have no regrets. I am where I am right when I need to be. I have enjoyed the positives because I have experienced the negatives. It takes failure to appreciate success. My heart is full with love for all those who have been by my side, wiped my tears, cheered me on and assured me that things will get better.
Onto the next stage of the weight loss journey to fat girl freedom. I AM READY!!
