Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Getting older is not so bad...

Some people may hate getting older, but not me, I enjoy getting older. Don't get me wrong, there are some things that I don't enjoy; such as, my body falling apart and my memory getting worse. But, for the most part, I can honestly say that things are starting to "click" more and I am having a lot more "ah-ha" moments.
Since high school, I have steadily gained weight. In my junior year I lost almost 30 lbs (which I gained back) and then right after I had Sydney I lost 55 lbs (which I gained back).  Other than those periods, I have just been getting heavier and heavier. Which, is getting scarier and scarier for me now. I constantly think about dying young, and I constantly get pissed off at myself because of the simple things that I can't do.
So, the reason why I like getting older, is because I am finally understanding what I need to do. Too many times, I have expected so much of myself that I was destined to fail. I compared myself to everyone else and didn't stop to think if it would work the same for me. I just assumed it would. And, when it didn't, I gave up and lost all confidence in myself.
Now that I am older, I don't just take someone else's way of doing things and run with it.  Instead, I will take their idea or routine, and then reconstruct it to suit my style or my family's style. I have realized (the hard way) that I have to really think about a plan or even just family rules before I implement them. The questions I have to ask myself are, "Will it work for my family?' "Will I follow through with it?" "Is it something that is worth the effort?" "Is it easing the stress or adding to it?" Those questions help me know if it is worth my time.
I am a VERY creative person, and I come up with ALL kinds of ideas to "Simplify" my life. Problem is, I fail to really think it through before I get all excited and introduce it into the family regimen. And, I do this on a regular basis. I'll come up with something and then re-do it and then re-do it again. No reason really, other than boredom. My poor family never knows what the heck is going on half the time. My kids function so much better when they know what to expect...so does my husband and so do I, for that matter. Since, I am constantly changing things, the stress level is much higher than it needs to be. As my husband puts it, "I have no problem with routines, I just want one to be consistant".
So, learning this, is what comes with age. I feel that I have the knowledge now to create a realistic plan that is attainable and final. At least, one that won't change every other day.
I am super excited about this year to come!! And, because of all the things that I have realized, I don't feel so overwhelmed by what it is I need to do. I know that I can accomplish anything...I just need to be aware of my expectations and be patient with myself.  I am ready to take control of my life and start living to my full potential. Over the years, I have lost a lot of my silliness and athleticism, and I really miss it. My kids have never seen what I am actually capable of doing. Plus, I really miss cute clothes and shoes!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Organized Living

Organizing...I LOVE organizing! To the point that, I re-organize what I have just organized. Drives Mike CRAZY! Just when he or the kids get used to where something is...I change it. But, you know what I say to that? DEAL with it!! LOL! Love you guys... ;)
There is one thing about being this organized that is not helpful to me though. I have a hard time setting up a routine, because I am always thinking of a "better" way of doing it. Don't get me wrong...we do have to adjust our routines based on kids getting older, new activities, etc. BUT...things don't change that much...at least not on a weekly basis.
There are so many things that need to be organized in order to run a family in the most productive way...and all while keeping peace and unity. Oh! And don't forget, it has to be fair! But, the one thing that I struggle with, when it comes to setting up an organized routine, is transferring my thoughts onto paper and figuring out how to execute my plan. My mind is the clearest and most creative when I lay down in bed at night ready to fall asleep OR when I am driving alone. Neither way is ideal for writing down my thoughts. So, I have to remember them later...which is never quite the same. I will have ALL these great ideas and then I'll sit down ready to create my plan (or chart) and then, I'll draw a blank. Frustrating!!
I have lots of reasons/excuses of why I have not been able to lose weight. Mainly because, I have had most of my life to come up with these reasons/excuses...so some are actually, really pretty good (in my mind). One thing though, I do not like to blame anybody else for my weight problems. My feeling is, that I am responsible for what I put in my mouth...plain and simple! Nobody else. Regardless of how old I was or am.
Now, getting back to my love of organizing. My new favorite reason/excuse for not losing weight is, that I am not organized enough. Sounds logical, right? This is why I have been so desperately working on a meal-plan. But, here's where I "sabotage" myself. I frequently let reasons/excuses or the "unexpected" override any preperations that I have done. I find it too easy to revert to what I am "comfortable" with. Which is...eating out (poorly) and eliminate exercising.
So, this is what I need to learn and do. I need to learn to tell myself... "NO!". Boy, do I hate the sound of that! What I mean by that is, telling myself "no" to taking the easy road or the more familiar road. My lack of self-discipline is the only real reason that I have not lost weight. I mean...I have the resources that I need...I have the support that I need...I have the desire that I need. I just need the self-discipline to organize a plan and stick with it, no matter what comes up.
You know, we all get in our comfort zones. And, for me, as terrible as it is...my comfort zone is eating like crap...eating a lot...and sitting on my butt. Which is NOT the example I want to set for my kids! But, what's great and sometimes unexpected is, that I believe there are certain people that are brought into our lives at the right time. And, these people all come into our lives for different reasons, but in the end it's for a common goal. And, since I have opened up with my thought processes and struggles and let people into my journey, I have had help coming from all kinds of people.
A huge set back of mine is that, I don't like to push myself...so, I don't. That's why it's nice when these people step out and work their magic. I have been inspired by these people in so many ways. Some  have inspired me to be adventerous with food...to the point where I am tossing around the idea of creating a food blog. Still figuring out how I want to "organize"it. Some have inspired me to become more crafty which in turn has helped me find my outlet again. Some have inspired me to just be patient with myself and have faith. And, some have inspired me to challenge myself and set a goal for something that is so far out of my comfort zone that it terrifies me.
All of these people have made such a huge, yet different impact on me. And, I know that my life is changing for the better. I am constantly learning new things and trying to stay open-minded and willing to listen to the things that are hard to hear. All of the pieces are gradually falling into place. And, what an awesome feeling that is!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Joys of Self-Discovery

After being a stay-at-home mom for 10 years and then recently having an empty house because Sydney is now in full day Kindergarten...I am actually starting to re-discover myself. And...I'll tell ya...what a nice feeling that is! I am becoming aware of how much I have changed in the past 10-15 years. It's interesting to discover what used to make me happy as a teenager makes me just laugh now that I'm an adult. Movies are a good example of that. There are some movies that I LOVED growing up...and now they are totally dumb! And, it's fun to watch my boys as they are getting older and hear the same conversations that I used to have.
I am also discovering that... I think differently, I like more things, and certain things aren't as important as they once were. It's kind of strange really, because all these years, I have done things a certain way because that's what I grew up with or what I thought I liked. And, now I am discovering I don't like it that way anymore. Trick now is...finding a new way to do it or just getting rid of something that has been a part of me for so long.
Everyday for the past 10 years, my main focus and desire was to make sure my kids (and husband) had what they needed and were happy. And, there is nothing wrong with that. But...what happened was, I forgot about myself. Over the past few months, I have acknowledged that...and I have being trying to "look within" to pinpoint what it is, that I am missing. And, what I came up with was..."craft time" and "rock-out time".
"Craft time"-I stopped doing crafts after I had Sydney mainly because I was lazy and Sydney took most of my energy. I considered doing crafts as just one more thing that I would have to clean up. So, it was the first to go in order to keep clean up as minimal as possible. Well...I have now changed my way of thinking about it! I don't care about the mess anymore because I enjoy doing it and it makes me happy! So...bring on the projects!
Now, "rock-out time" is MUCH needed for my sanity! I just put on my headphones or I get in my car ...and, I blare my music...and, I sing real loud... and, I just have fun. The type of music I listen to all depends on my mood. I gravitate to Classic Rock because that is what I grew up with. But, Mike has introduced a lot of other music to me that I really enjoy also.  I have a VERY wide range. Listen to my Playlist to hear some of my favorites.
I am happy to say that, this week has been a very productive week. With all of my re-discovering...I have been able to really take a look at my habits, my family's habits and what will help us function the best as a whole.
I finally came up with a meal plan...that I'm satisfied with.  And then, I gathered up the fam and made lists to tackle grocery shopping. Mike took the boys, and he went above and beyond with his task. He gave the boys a lesson on how to look for the best prices. He taught them about reading the price tag and figuring out the price per ounce and stuff like that. All while getting what was on his list. I took Sydney and let her push the cart...which, took A LOT of patience from me...but, I took a deep breath and just let her have fun. I told her the items I needed and how many, so it made it a game for her too. Ordinarily, I like shop by myself...less headaches. But, this was a lot less work actually, I didn't have to carry in all the groceries! BONUS!
Then, later the kids helped me clean up and cut the produce. And, Mike helped me prep food for lunches and breakfasts. So, now I don't have to mess with it later. What a nice feeling!!
My biggest self-discovery is discovering my need to control everything. Giving up control is one of those things that I REALLY have hard time with. I like things done a certain way...I don't have a lot of patience...I don't like a lot of questions...I hate repeating myself. So, as much as I hate to do it...I need to take a step back and just let it happen. In the end, everyone is rewarded from it somehow. My kids learn to be more self-sufficient, Mike's feels like he's helping and I have less to worry about. We all win!
Pictures of some of my projects will be posted as I finish them. :)