This has been a year of changes for me...some small...some big...some worked...and some didn't. But, all of them were necessary in order for me to learn and grow.
The first major change that I have made...as we all know...is starting Weight Watchers again and seeing a trainer once a week. This one, by far, has been the most successful change this year. There is something different in my way of thinking this time around. And, it isn't just one thing in particular that did it...it was a combination of things. I have approached this change with an open-mind. I have accepted the fact that I need help. I have realized that my weight and health issues won't just go away without hard work.
I have to say though...what has helped me out the most since I started this journey... are the people in my life. I have grown so close to a lot of fabulous ladies over the past year or so. And, each one of you has made such a lasting impression on me with your unconditional love and support. And, I can't express enough how much that means to me and how necessary that is for me to succeed. I have always been a "self-doubter"...never very secure in my decisions or abilities. But, since I have had such a great cheering squad behind me...I am becoming more aware of what I truly am capable of.
Before, when I would start a weight loss program...I would be embarassed to say anything about it because it puts a spotlight on my problems. I didn't want the extra attention, so I didn't draw attention to it. And, by doing that, I would only get support from my family. Which is awesome, but sometimes you just need more. That is why I started this blog...to throw it all out there. I wanted to share my story and trials and successes with whoever was interested in listening. I am a very open person and writing for me is incredibly therapeutic. Plus, it's fun to look back and see the progress through the words written.
Another major change that I have made, has to do with money. I grew up as an only child, never knew what it was like to struggle. I never had to share, always had what I needed and/or wanted. And, things didn't change much as I got older. But...as Mike and I get older and the kids get older...I have to start thinking about the things I want in the future, more than thinking about the things that I want now. Which means...I have to learn how to save money. **GASP** What on earth is that?!? Saving money...this concept is totally foreign to me! I have lived a life of...if I want it...I get it. I mean, seriously, what better way to live is that? It's a great fantasy but not realistic...I know! And, I am well aware of the fact that the things I want for the future are a little more expensive than a new toaster. So, back in March, Mike and I had a "Where do we want to be in 5 or 10 years?" talk. And, if we want to make this work, we need to determine a budget and STICK TO IT (that's the tricky part!). And, believe it or not...I AM!!!
My mom is SO proud...her little girl is growing up...finally! First, I started losing weight and getting healthy...and now, I have learned how to save money!! What is this world coming to?!?
So...now...here is my next big venture...
I want to disconnect all the computers...all the TV's...and all the video game devices for one whole week once a month. To some this sounds like "no big deal"...to some this sounds "absurd"...but to me this sounds like "peace". When I grew up I didn't have a computer...I had what you call "paper and pencil". I didn't have video games...I had what you call "mud pies". I did however, have a TV , but I liked to color and draw and use my imagination instead. Well...my kids think that I am from the Dark Ages and I feel it is time for them to realize how much fun can be had without the dependence of electronics.
Don't get me wrong...I have become just as dependent. But, I also remember what it was like without it. And, I am excited to see how much closer we can grow as a family when all the distractions are taken away. Plus, I will be forced to get some of my long awaited projects completed. I know it won't be easy...but it will be worth it! :)
This is my progress so far with the weight loss...
Total weight lost in 17 weeks: 38.6 lbs
**I hit my 10% goal!! I have lost 10% of my weight!! My next goal is to weigh under 300 lbs...ideally by my birthday (July 15). But, that may be a little ambitious and I am ok with that. As long as I am losing...I am happy!
Total inches lost: 12" in my waist, 5" in my hips and 4" in my chest. Plus a few inches throughout other areas.
Everyday I notice something else that is easier to do!! It's so exciting! :) :)
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Sleep? What good is that?
Sleep...Who needs it?!? Right?
Well, I had an "Ah-Ha!" moment this week and it had to do with my sleeping habits. It's probably common knowledge to most...but sometimes, I'm a little behind with what is obvious to everyone else. :)
So, this is what I realized...if I don't get enough sleep...I'm tired all day! Can you believe that?!?
But...seriously. There are some weeks that I am hungry and have the munchies all week. And, it's usually for carbs and sweets. I normally would just blew it off, thinking, "Oh, it's probably just PMS." But, it's hard to use that excuse when I just finished my cycle. So...I pondered...then I fell asleep...and then I pondered somemore. That's when I made the connection! All week, this week, I have been going to bed later than normal. A lot later. That is the culprit!
This is why I made that connection. When I was pregnant with Sydney, I was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea. I didn't know much about it other than, it usually targets overweight people. So, I read up on it. One of the major side affects that people with Sleep Apnea suffer from is weight gain. And, the reason for that is, we try to stay awake by eating. And, what kind of food gives us an energy boost...Sugar. And, once you start eating sugar...you crave sugar. It's a vicious cycle, that if you can't recognize it and control it, things get bad quick. That's what happened with me. Having Sleep Apnea causes weight gain...being overweight causes Sleep Apnea...how do I win?
Anyway, this is why I consider it an "ah-ha" moment. I recognized that I was eating to try to stay awake and I was craving sugar. Which means, I'm not getting enough sleep. DUH!
I forget that I'm not in my 20's anymore and my body works differently now than it did then. I can't get by for very long on little rest. In fact, my body works differently now than it did a year ago, even. The key is to pay attention to your body...this is something that my trainer is constantly telling me. She says, "Listen to your body, it knows what it needs." One analogy that she gave me that helps is...when we train, excercise is like the "architect" it sets up the blue print. When we rest, that's the "builder"...they take the blue print and put it together. If we don't rest, we don't allow our bodies to build. I hope I explained that right, she made it sound much better. But, what it boils down to is...our bodies will tell us what we need. It's ok to take a day off, even though our minds tell us to keep going. It's ok to take a nap, if that's what we need.
One thing that I struggle with when it comes to napping is, the mindset or stereotype that napping is for kids. I feel lazy or unproductive if I take a nap. But, realisticly, I am unproductive if I'm tired... not to mention, moody and irritable.
I love night time! I just love the peacefulness of it. So, I like to stay awake as long as I can to enjoy it. But, by doing that, it is really hurting my productiveness during the day. I have to remember that, I am no longer single or newly married, living the life of a Retail Manager needing to stay at my store all night to do a floorset. I am a mom that needs to be attentive and alert for my kids and for my household responsibilities. I don't want them to get the shaft or less of me because I am always tired.
So, I have set a goal for myself. And, that is to get a least 7-8 hours of sleep every night. And, if my body needs a nap...so be it...take a nap and enjoy it.
All in all...sleep is extremely important to the overall health of our bodies.
There are a lot of habits of mine that I need to adjust to suit my current lifestyle. But, I am taking it one at a time. I have to allow myself the time needed for it to become natural and routine. Then I will work on the next one. Slowly by slowly, everything is falling in to place and making sense. Just remember to be open-minded and recognize weaknesses, that is the only way to grow and become better.
Well, I had an "Ah-Ha!" moment this week and it had to do with my sleeping habits. It's probably common knowledge to most...but sometimes, I'm a little behind with what is obvious to everyone else. :)
So, this is what I realized...if I don't get enough sleep...I'm tired all day! Can you believe that?!?
But...seriously. There are some weeks that I am hungry and have the munchies all week. And, it's usually for carbs and sweets. I normally would just blew it off, thinking, "Oh, it's probably just PMS." But, it's hard to use that excuse when I just finished my cycle. So...I pondered...then I fell asleep...and then I pondered somemore. That's when I made the connection! All week, this week, I have been going to bed later than normal. A lot later. That is the culprit!
This is why I made that connection. When I was pregnant with Sydney, I was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea. I didn't know much about it other than, it usually targets overweight people. So, I read up on it. One of the major side affects that people with Sleep Apnea suffer from is weight gain. And, the reason for that is, we try to stay awake by eating. And, what kind of food gives us an energy boost...Sugar. And, once you start eating sugar...you crave sugar. It's a vicious cycle, that if you can't recognize it and control it, things get bad quick. That's what happened with me. Having Sleep Apnea causes weight gain...being overweight causes Sleep Apnea...how do I win?
Anyway, this is why I consider it an "ah-ha" moment. I recognized that I was eating to try to stay awake and I was craving sugar. Which means, I'm not getting enough sleep. DUH!
I forget that I'm not in my 20's anymore and my body works differently now than it did then. I can't get by for very long on little rest. In fact, my body works differently now than it did a year ago, even. The key is to pay attention to your body...this is something that my trainer is constantly telling me. She says, "Listen to your body, it knows what it needs." One analogy that she gave me that helps is...when we train, excercise is like the "architect" it sets up the blue print. When we rest, that's the "builder"...they take the blue print and put it together. If we don't rest, we don't allow our bodies to build. I hope I explained that right, she made it sound much better. But, what it boils down to is...our bodies will tell us what we need. It's ok to take a day off, even though our minds tell us to keep going. It's ok to take a nap, if that's what we need.
One thing that I struggle with when it comes to napping is, the mindset or stereotype that napping is for kids. I feel lazy or unproductive if I take a nap. But, realisticly, I am unproductive if I'm tired... not to mention, moody and irritable.
I love night time! I just love the peacefulness of it. So, I like to stay awake as long as I can to enjoy it. But, by doing that, it is really hurting my productiveness during the day. I have to remember that, I am no longer single or newly married, living the life of a Retail Manager needing to stay at my store all night to do a floorset. I am a mom that needs to be attentive and alert for my kids and for my household responsibilities. I don't want them to get the shaft or less of me because I am always tired.
So, I have set a goal for myself. And, that is to get a least 7-8 hours of sleep every night. And, if my body needs a nap...so be it...take a nap and enjoy it.
All in all...sleep is extremely important to the overall health of our bodies.
There are a lot of habits of mine that I need to adjust to suit my current lifestyle. But, I am taking it one at a time. I have to allow myself the time needed for it to become natural and routine. Then I will work on the next one. Slowly by slowly, everything is falling in to place and making sense. Just remember to be open-minded and recognize weaknesses, that is the only way to grow and become better.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Small victories...
About 5 years ago our family took a road trip to Kansas City, MO to see my family. And, one thing that Kansas City has, that I love, is an amusement park called Worlds of Fun. I lived in Kansas City (Independence) until I was 8 years old, and my dad used to take me there ALL the time. So, whenever I go back to visit, I have to go there.
Well, this particular visit to Worlds of Fun, didn't leave a very good memory for me. See...there is this ride called the Detonator...it's one of those rides that scares the crap out of most people. But, not me!! It's like a free fall...you get buckled into a seat attached to a tall tower...ride it up all the way to the top (looking out and down the whole way)...then get released and plummet all the way back to the bottom. It is SUPER scary but SUPER awesome! So, of course I got in line to ride it. And, after standing in line for what seemed like forever, I finally get to the front of the line. I walk over to my seat...sit down...and then wait for the guy to come over and lower the contraption to secure me into my seat. I am so anxious and excited to go on this ride, I can hardly stand it! He finally makes his way over to me and proceeds to lower the restraint, but is unable to push it in close enough to snap the buckles together. He kept trying with all his strength to push all of my fat in enough to buckle it...I even tried to adjust how I was sitting...but nothing worked. So, after a few minutes of everyone watching this, I had to get out of my seat in front of everyone (still watching me) and then exit the ride. Humiliated.
Needless to say, ever since this experience, I have been hesitant to get on any kind of ride that looks like it has small seats or has a buckle that is anything other than a lap bar. It's really frustrating because I LOVE amusement park rides! So, instead, I would just stand on the sidelines and watch...looking happy and excited for everyone...but on the inside I'm am SO disappointed. Not to mention, angry and pissed off at myself for allowing food to take away my fun!!
In December of 2010, we went to Disneyland. And, Space Mountain was one of those rides that I thought, if I would try to ride it, I would relive that humiliation of not being able to get buckled. So, I didn't even try...I was too afraid of getting all those stares again.
Over spring break, we decided to take another trip to Disneyland. So, once again, I was posed with the dilemma of "Can I fit on Space Mountain?". And, since I have lost several inches and pounds over the last few months, I had a good feeling about it. So, I'm standing in line with Mike, Colby, Brett, Sydney and my dad... and all of them are so supportive and excited for me to be able get on with them. Finally, it's my turn...I proceeded to step into the seat...I slowly lowered my big (getting smaller) butt down into the seat..and, guess what?!?...I FIT!!! I was so stoked!!! I finally got to ride what I wanted to with my family!!
This small victory is one of many that I have been experiencing lately. And, what's even better is, my family got to experience it with me. I was able to see Sydney ride it for the first time. I got to sit next to Colby and hear his reactions (screams) to everything. Priceless.
Just think...this is still just the beginning. I have only lost a fraction of what I need to lose. And, I am already seeing a side of myself that I have never seen before. Mike even commented on it. This time around I have a determination and a drive to succeed. I am in this whole-heartedly. What an incredible journey this has been so far. To be able to get myself under control and stop being a prisoner in my own body...I never thought it would happen. I have been overweight most of my life, so it's hard for me to imagine myself otherwise. But, with these small victories it starting to get easier. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings...I LOVE IT!
Well, this particular visit to Worlds of Fun, didn't leave a very good memory for me. See...there is this ride called the Detonator...it's one of those rides that scares the crap out of most people. But, not me!! It's like a free fall...you get buckled into a seat attached to a tall tower...ride it up all the way to the top (looking out and down the whole way)...then get released and plummet all the way back to the bottom. It is SUPER scary but SUPER awesome! So, of course I got in line to ride it. And, after standing in line for what seemed like forever, I finally get to the front of the line. I walk over to my seat...sit down...and then wait for the guy to come over and lower the contraption to secure me into my seat. I am so anxious and excited to go on this ride, I can hardly stand it! He finally makes his way over to me and proceeds to lower the restraint, but is unable to push it in close enough to snap the buckles together. He kept trying with all his strength to push all of my fat in enough to buckle it...I even tried to adjust how I was sitting...but nothing worked. So, after a few minutes of everyone watching this, I had to get out of my seat in front of everyone (still watching me) and then exit the ride. Humiliated.
Needless to say, ever since this experience, I have been hesitant to get on any kind of ride that looks like it has small seats or has a buckle that is anything other than a lap bar. It's really frustrating because I LOVE amusement park rides! So, instead, I would just stand on the sidelines and watch...looking happy and excited for everyone...but on the inside I'm am SO disappointed. Not to mention, angry and pissed off at myself for allowing food to take away my fun!!
In December of 2010, we went to Disneyland. And, Space Mountain was one of those rides that I thought, if I would try to ride it, I would relive that humiliation of not being able to get buckled. So, I didn't even try...I was too afraid of getting all those stares again.
Over spring break, we decided to take another trip to Disneyland. So, once again, I was posed with the dilemma of "Can I fit on Space Mountain?". And, since I have lost several inches and pounds over the last few months, I had a good feeling about it. So, I'm standing in line with Mike, Colby, Brett, Sydney and my dad... and all of them are so supportive and excited for me to be able get on with them. Finally, it's my turn...I proceeded to step into the seat...I slowly lowered my big (getting smaller) butt down into the seat..and, guess what?!?...I FIT!!! I was so stoked!!! I finally got to ride what I wanted to with my family!!
This small victory is one of many that I have been experiencing lately. And, what's even better is, my family got to experience it with me. I was able to see Sydney ride it for the first time. I got to sit next to Colby and hear his reactions (screams) to everything. Priceless.
Just think...this is still just the beginning. I have only lost a fraction of what I need to lose. And, I am already seeing a side of myself that I have never seen before. Mike even commented on it. This time around I have a determination and a drive to succeed. I am in this whole-heartedly. What an incredible journey this has been so far. To be able to get myself under control and stop being a prisoner in my own body...I never thought it would happen. I have been overweight most of my life, so it's hard for me to imagine myself otherwise. But, with these small victories it starting to get easier. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings...I LOVE IT!
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