I am starting to get some answers as to why I have been such a basket case for so long! I went to the doctor today with a slew of things to talk about. I don't have a definite "This is what you have." diagnosis, but I do have a "This is what it could be." starting point.
My doctor wants to run a bunch of blood work and an abdomen ultrasound before he makes any final decisions about what he needs to do to fix me.
My biggest complaint was the fact that I can't get my emotions under control. I told him that the blood work earlier this year showed that my hormones are out of balance. I explained that I lost a lot of weight last year and have gained most of it back. I have no energy, no motivation. I have been having stomach issues, water retention...basically the whole lower half of my body has been dysfunctional and causing problems.
These are the main 2 things that it could be...something involving my thyroid (hypothyroidism) and/or Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. The thyroid issue would not be surprising. The PCOS was a little surprising at first until I read up on it. The reason it throws me off is because infertility is usually a big problem with PCOS, and I have never had problems with that. But...I found out that, there are a lot more symptoms that appear besides the infertility. And, I have quite a few of them. The reason he threw out the worry of PCOS is because the hormones that are out of balance based on my blood work from February are the "male hormones" and women with PCOS produce more of those hormones. Also, with this disorder the body may have a problem producing insulin. And, when the body doesn't use insulin well, the blood sugars go up, which can cause diabetes. And, guess what...I have Diabetes. Some of the other symptoms related to PCOS that I have are Sleep Apnea, anxiety/depression and weight gain...those are the big ones. There are several other symptoms that I have also, but I don't want to name them all. So...honestly, based on all of that, it makes a lot of sense if this was the problem.
I'm not really sure though what will happen if that's what is wrong. I don't know the treatments he'll want to take in order to fix it. I do know that one of the medicines that is frequently used to help treat PCOS is Metformin, which is the drug that I have been taking for 5 years as my Diabetic medicine. If this is my problem, who knows how long I've had it. I mean, my Metformin could have been doing double duty to my benefit without my knowledge for 5 years and now this PCOS has become more than it can handle. Or...it's something brand new that popped up, but the Metformin isn't helping. Honestly...based on what I've read, I wouldn't be surprised if I've had PCOS for a while.
BUT...I don't want to jump to conclusions!! I tend to do that quite often! I just need to wait and see what the blood work says and then I can freak out...for a reason.
As much as I want to hear that there is nothing wrong...I know that is not true. I can feel that there's something wrong. I usually dismiss a lot of my issues to the fact that I am SO overweight. I know my size causes a lot of my aches and pains. But...what's going on right now, is beyond that. And, I am relieved that this doctor is figuring it out.
One thing that he has done immediately is prescribe an anti-depressant for me to help with my mood swings. Overall, my hormonal imbalances are what's causing the depression, but until we get those back in balance...or at least more in balance...the medicine will help.
I'm so glad that I took myself seriously and didn't just take all these issues that I have been experiencing and push them aside. I know that in order to take care of my family, I need to take care of myself.
It's funny how the course that I had in mind for this journey... one that I was following diligently...ending up leading me off course to discover underlying problems that may have never surfaced had I not started my journey in the first place. It kind of feels like the "weight loss" year was the test to prove that I can get out of my comfort zone. The aggressive nature that I took on, ended up pushing me to a breaking point, which lead me to my lowest point. So, that forced this year to be the year to find the root of what's causing my problems. It's still a work in progress, but I am much closer to having answers. So, I guess that means next year should be the year that I take what I've learned this year and take what I learned last year and get out of my comfort zone and continue on with my journey. But this time, it won't be by going down the same path once traveled...it will be by going down a path that will have a clearer view, one with more spots to stop and smell the roses and will then eventually lead me to my destination much wiser and happier.
I have to say though, that even though this year has been tough emotionally, it has forced me to take it easy...understand my limitations and when to say no. Do things the way that I want to, even if it isn't "the way it should be done". I am more aware of myself. I am less worried about trying to be just like this person or that family. I am not like anyone else and neither is my family. And I LOVE that! So...I just need to remember to base my decisions on what is best for ME and my family. Pretty simple really.
