The HoLiDaYs!!!
I love the holidays...but right now I'm ready for them to be over!!
My self-control is not so good right now...I'm trying...but, I'm not doing very well! My ambitious challenge of going NO sugar...FAIL! I did great for a week, but then I caved. I know it was silly for me to put that pressure on myself right now, but I also know that I am capable of doing anything I set my mind to. I love Christmas time and baking and eating treats. And, to take away that joy from myself, was too much. I understand that there are much more important things than food this time of year, but it's still one of those little pleasures that doesn't happen the rest of the year. So, I decided that...I will conquer that challenge after the holidays.
I have mixed feelings about my progress in this journey so far. I think it's because I set goals that are sometimes a little unrealistic. I am notorious for "biting off more than I can chew". I have an attitude of "piece of cake" most of the time. Which is actually a very positive outlook...it means that I am confident in myself and what I feel I am capable of. Problem is...I forget that life gets in the way. I forget that I am not always in a "go get 'em!" state of mind and I have set backs because of it. And, when I have set backs, I get really down on myself and have a hard time pulling myself back in.
These past few months have really screwed me up...emotionally and mentally, which have slowed down my progress physically. At least from my standpoint anyway and where I wanted to be by now. My first big goal that I set for myself was losing enough weight to be under 300 lbs by my birthday in July. I didn't reach that goal until mid November...4 months later than I had hoped. So frustrating!! And yes, I can give you all the reasons of why it took so long. But, all I see is, that I am not where I want to be. Another goal of mine was to have lost 100 lbs by my year anniversary...and that won't happen either. Also, frustrating!!
I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago...all excited to see what my A1C number is now. The A1C is a number that shows what the average of my blood sugar levels are for a 3 month period. When I was first diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, my A1C was 8.1...it needs to be under 6.0. At the beginning of the year I was at 7.0 and now I am at 6.6. Again...I was setting my goals unrealistically and setting myself up for disappointment, but...I thought, for sure, I would be under 6.0 by now. So, when I heard 6.6...I was so bummed! I am still on just as much medication as I was before I started losing weight! Grrr!
I get mad at myself a lot because I set these unrealistic goals sometimes, which usually ends up with me being disappointed in myself for something that I should be proud of. But...if I don't set high standards than I am also doing myself a disservice...because I want to push myself and see what I can actually do. I just need to not get so down on myself if I miss a goal.
One thing that I really get irritated at is...if I want to see these high losses and great numbers and unrealistic goals met...then, I.. HAVE.. GOT.. TO GET.. MY DIET.. UNDER CONTROL!! Food is the key!!! I know this!! But, I can't seem to get out of my own head and comfort zone with food. I don't want to give up what I love...but I still want to lose weight!! How do I convince and control myself without actually realizing what I am doing?? Because, if I tell myself no...that makes me want it even more! First step is to QUIT buying crap that I have weaknesses for and putting them in my house! I mean...honestly...I know what I need to do. I am just having a hard time letting go. A lifetime of bad habits is hard to break.
When I look at the whole picture and what I have accomplished so far...I am really doing just fine. But, I am still just a little disappointed because I feel that I could have done so much more!
Next year, I already have some fantastic goals set up for myself. And, yes...they are unrealistic and overly ambitious. But...you know what...I have to stay true to myself and reach for the stars! How else will I find out what I can do? I am getting excited to start a new year and continue to watch this body and mind really transform. :) :)
3 comments:
You can do this. I have seen the determination in you. I know we can both do this together. If you are worried about spending time with me and the kids, then we all go out for a run/walk together. What you have accomplished in the last year far exceeds what I ever thought would happen. I feel bad saying that but after so many attempts I worried you would not get it going. But watching you this year has set such an example to me and the kids of the things we need to do and I know how much the kids look up to you and I hear Brett talking about what you have accomplished all the time. they are watching and rooting for you just as I am and all ways will be. Hang in there we can do this together you are never alone.
I hear you on the unrealistic goals. And it it so hard not to get down on yourself when goals aren't met, or even if they are met but just a lot later than you hoped for. BUT......like you said it is so important o set high standards for yourself so that you are s-t-r-e-c-t-h-e-d. That is bow we grow. That is how we discover what we are really capable of. Keep your chin up! Try to focus on how far you have come instead of how far you still need/want to go. I know, easier said than done. Mike is right. You are such a pillar of strength to those around you. AND, you are not alone. You have so many people rooting for you. Slow and steady wins the race. You are doing great!
I think setting high goals and not quite reaching them is good. Imagine if you set little goals and you reach them all. You could still take you forever to get where yoy really want to be and still be frustrated. Just remind yourself it is okay as long you keep moving forward. The ONLY thing that helped me control what and how much I eat was logging calories. I know it sounds tedious but when you realize what us loafed with calories and see the fat content you realize it doesn't taste as good as you thought it did and your brain rewires itself and how you feel about it. There will still be things you can't live without but you won't want it as often but really enjoy it when you do. Personally I thinking cutout ALL sugar at any time iis pointless. It just makes you angry that you can't have that pleasure. I think everyone needs to allow some sweetness within reason in their life. I don't think you should do anything unless it is a permanent change you want to make. Is no sugar ever really something you want to commit to forever? Just a thought. My fitness pal really is easy and really helps rewire your brains thoughts on what you really want to eat. Hugs. Its tough but you are doing an awesome job and reaching goals even if late. :-
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