I have everything planned out in my head...I know exactly what I want to do for the day/week/month...whatever. So, nothing better come up to screw it up because I will not know what to do with myself if it does!
For someone that used to be so spontaneous, I have now become a creature of routine. I don't like curve balls or for anything to come up that wasn't planned. In many ways I am very easygoing, go with the flow and I don't let too much get the best of me. But, since I have...uncomfortably...been focusing on me, I have changed in some ways. When something comes up to make that decision of "taking care of me" harder than it already is, I have a hard time reorganizing my routine.
I think the main reason for that is, I don't like to tell people "no". I am a pleaser. I want to be there for everyone, even if that means sacrificing my own plans. Don't get me wrong...I enjoy helping out... I enjoy the last minute "Wanna go to lunch?" calls... I enjoy being there for everyone. Problem is, if I have to put my exercise on hold...will I do it later? This dilemma actually causes a tailspin in my head...a battle that drives me nuts. As I said in my last post, exercising early is the way I need to start my day right. It sets my mood, and I make smarter choices.
As a mom, things come up...I understand that. But, it's still frustrating when it messes up my plans. Sydney stayed home sick Friday, so I had to cancel with my trainer. I told myself that I would do my circuit at home. Well...having a sick child means having a needy child, so now my original plan didn't pan out. On one hand, I am fine with it...on the other hand, I have failed. My compassionate and sympathetic brain tells me that it's ok, Sydney needed extra love and I want to be there for her. My perfectionist and selfish brain is beating myself up for missing out on "Activity Points" and frustrated that my "plan" got messed up.
Another wrench got thrown in on Saturday, but this one was by my own hand. Mike has been out of town, so I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could. I wanted to be able to sleep in and just have an entire "nothing's planned" day. So...again, no exercise. When I make these decisions, the thing that I struggle with mentally is the back and forth battle of "Is it ok that I just take it easy all day?" and "You really need to get your butt up and get those Activity Points!!"
I started reading this book about simplification. It says if I overload my schedule and don't allow for the simple pleasures in life, then I miss out on a lot of blessings. I miss those days of "taking it easy" and mentally being ok with that. I have put so much pressure on myself to perform, perform, perform that I am not enjoying the simple pleasures. I love exercising, but I also love the do nothing days. Now, the question is...can I do both and still be successful?
When I don't get my planned exercising in, I feel like I have failed. That sets a mood...which then triggers me to make bad choices. I eat more and not as healthy.
Again...a constant struggle of mine is...BALANCE! How do I balance everything that I want and need to do? As I have said before...life is a juggling act. I have all these balls in the air, but how do I maintain a good rhythm without dropping one? Answer is...obtain complete focus, relax my anxieties, find a comfortable stance to keep them moving, and be attentive to which ball needs to be grabbed next.
Self-awareness is so important. Where is my head at? Where is my body at? This journey is not about speed, it's about learning a new way of life. Of course I want to lose this weight really fast, but I also want to enjoy life. I am always going to push myself beyond my comfort zone, but I will also allow myself to stop and enjoy the simple pleasures if I feel too stressed. It's just finding that balance. And, also finding an inner peace that will calm the mind battles. I'll figure it out...I always do. :) :) Slow and steady, wins the race...
2 comments:
It is ok to talk things out, aka vent. It helps you reground yourself and focus so that you can move forward as a better version of yourself. :) Juggling life is not always easy not always fun but you my friend are doing a fantastic job! Keep up the good work! :)
I tried many times to lose weight only to plateau every time at a certain weight...you know what made the difference this last time. I allowed to have those (do nothing days)and "sick" days and accept that it was okay but set a goal not to let it happen 3 days in a row. It really is okay that you took time for Sydney and to be with Mike. IF you don't then the stress of it just contradicts your goals. Don't let your yourself feel guilted!You are doing awesome! And you will continue to awesome even with those "down" days.
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