Positive thinking.

Getting out of my own head...de-cluttering negative thoughts...accepting the fact that I'm not perfect.
That's what I am working on right now.
I had a conversation with Aimee a while back about thoughts. I am going to try to convey our conversation as best as I can. We were talking about negative and positive thoughts and how I need to get rid of the negative thoughts that have been a constant script in my head. How she put it was like this...and I'm paraphrasing, so I hope I explain it correctly. I have to picture my mind like a forest and my thoughts clear out pathways or trails that help me get through the forest. I have cleared many trails with my negative thoughts. My same negative thought will go down the same trail over and over...so it becomes wider and easier to walk through. Because I am so negative, all of the positive thought trails are overgrown and need to be cleared out. So, for every positive thought I have, it will begin to clear a new trail. And, the more positively I think, the wider and more clear those trails will become. Eventually, those negative trails will become overgrown and it will be easier to keep myself in a positive state of mind.
I am a visual person and this analogy really helped me because I do get stuck in negative head space. So, this is how I see it...I want to create a mind that is full of positive trails. One that will lift me up and keeping me going. I work best with positive reinforcement. When I get "drill sergeant" criticism... it either pisses me off or makes me cry. Either way it is not effective in my growth and it changes my attitude towards the whole situation. For the worse. I close off and don't want to cooperate. Which is not good! So, I have to understand, that the same goes for how I encourage myself. Do I want to be compassionate or do I want to be a drill sergeant? I already know that I operate better with positive reinforcement. So...there's the answer...I need to quit being so negative to myself.
This is what I am struggling with right now. I have not been in a good mind set for quite some time. My weight has been up and down so much over the past few months and that is taking a toll on my attitude. I am noticing old habits sneaking back in...I am noticing that my desire to exercise and count my points is becoming less and less. I have to address this immediately before things get worse!!
Be compassionate...access the situation. What has happened that has put me in this negative head space?
When I think about that, I realize that I am forgetting to incorporate relaxation, goof off days and quality family and self time into my routine. I am so focused on my goals that I push myself to the point of breakdown, exhaustion and frustration. And that's when I start reverting back to old habits...and then I gain.
My goal for this new year is to find that balance. Yes...I say that all the time. It's all about balance. I will be compassionate with myself and make sure I allow in some pleasure time to balance out the constant grind of losing weight and getting healthy. That will help me to stay in a positive head space. And, once I get that under control, I won't have so many up's and down's. THINK POSITIVE!
I will get to my goal. And, the most important thing that I need to remember, is to stay positive and enjoy life while getting there! :)