Seriously.

On a serious note...
I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, about 3 years ago. I had Gestational Diabetes when I was pregnant with Sydney. And, diabetes runs very heavily in my family on my dad's side. So, the odds of me getting it were extremely high. My weight and eating habits certainly didn't help.
Overall, I have been very healthy my whole life. So, for me to wrap my brain around that fact that I have this disease, it's a hard pill for me to swallow. I have pretty much been in denial for the past several years. I have always had an "everything is going to be alright" attitude and for the most part, it usually is. But, I understand that with this, I can't sit back and assume that all will be ok. I have to do something to get it under control. NOW.
Fortunately, I am still pretty young and I haven't experienced many side effects to the disease. But, that doesn't mean I can sit back and pretend that nothing's wrong. Now is the ideal time to nip it in the bud, before I do experience the side effects.
To make matters worse, I have Sleep Apnea too. Which is a royal pain in the butt! And, if I want any kind of quality sleep, I have to use that stupid C-Pap machine. And, with Sleep Apnea, there comes another big list of worries. I have heard of people dying due to complications from it. Which I can't lie, that is frequently on my mind. I don't like to be a downer or a pessimist, but I do know that I need to be realistic and quit denying the fact that I have serious health issues.
A few months ago my nutritionist wanted me to get my hormones checked because hormone imbalances can really mess up your body. And we found out that my testosterone level is high. So to make sure, we checked it again a few weeks ago, and it's still high. Kind of puzzling really. I have never had issues with conceiving or menstral problems, which are the main causes. Although, I did read that diabetes can affect testosterone levels. So, I guess that diabetes is probably the culprit in my case. I also found out that a high testosterone level inhibits weight loss...lucky me! :(
With all of this being said...it reminds me of exactly why I need to lose this weight. It's not about being thin or having cute clothes. It's about be healthy and living your life to the fullest. Sometimes, I will watch my kids and think, "What kind of life would they have if I wasn't here?" Depressing, I know. And, everytime I think about it, I instantly break down in tears. I DO NOT want that! I don't want that for them...for Mike...for my parents...and certainly not for me. There is TOO much that I want to do and see. I look forward to getting older and watching my kids grow up and living a long life with Mike. And, I feel selfish sometimes because I let food control me for so long. I have missed out on a lot of things because of my size and lack of energy or strength. My kids haven't seen what I am capable of...and I don't think Mike really has either.
All I can say now is...NOT ANYMORE!!
I am so proud of myself because I have really made some changes in my life...for the better. I am taking this seriously and I am not acting like a spoiled brat that is bitter at the world anymore.
What's awesome is, that I am already noticing some changes in how I feel and my mobility. It's very exciting! I can't wait to continue on and see what else I'll be able to do!
And, keeping up with this blog has been very helpful and theraputic for me too. I appreciate all the encouragement and kind words! It really helps keep me motivated.
Sorry that this one was kinda depressing...that's just what was on my mind. And, it helps to let it out.