Reflecting.

It's time to take a step back and reflect on the past year.
It's hard to believe that I started this blog and my weight loss journey a year ago. So much has changed in a year. I recently went through and reread all of my blog posts from the beginning and it's fun to see the progression. As I have said before, the first few months were primarily mental changes and allowing myself the time needed to sort out my thoughts and behaviors. And, I am so glad that I did, because it really helped me get in a good mindset to get myself ready to change. And, I knew that, once that new year hit...it was time to get busy. And, that is what I did!!
I am so proud of myself and to be quite honest, surprised at the determination that I have had and kept for so long. I am notorious for having all these grand ideas and never following through with any of them. Sure, I'll be good for about a week or maybe two weeks tops. But, after that, I give up...for whatever lame reason it may be. I would usually convince myself that, I was happy with the way that I was. But, in all honesty, it was too hard to change SO many bad habits that I had developed that got me to 375 lbs. It was easier for me to lie to myself and look in the mirror and say, "It's ok, I'm still pretty, I don't need to lose weight right now, my family still loves me for who I am, fat or thin." I was fooling myself because food had that much control over me!!
It wasn't until my kids starting getting older that I really felt the impact that my weight and health issues had on our everyday life and activities. When the kids were baby and toddler ages, it was easy for me to sit my big butt on the floor and play with them...or take them to the park...or take naps on the couch with them. My weight didn't really get in my way at that time. Sure, I hated it and wanted to be thinner, but it was more work and effort that I wanted to put into myself at the time. As they have gotten older and have been able to do more "grown up" activities...that is when I noticed how much my weight limited me to having fun with them. Mike would get all the "play" time because I was too big or out of shape to participate. And...that SUCKED!
So, I knew it was time for a complete Jill overhaul! Time to really take a good, hard look at myself. Time to be honest and admit to myself that I wasn't happy, I wasn't ok with missing out on all these activities! But, how do I change?? It was all so overwhelming and scary! But, I just told myself, "Small steps, one thing at a time, be patient, be compassionate and STICK with it!" So...I took the bull by the horns and prepared myself for a wild and bumpy ride! I knew I couldn't change all my bad habits overnight, that would be too much all at once. I just started with the easier ones to get rid of first, which would help me feel that sense of accomplishment once I succeeded. After feeling that sense of victory, I moved on to the next bad habit...it was very motivating to see myself makes these changes. And, as I was getting rid of bad habits, I was incorporating new good habits. This was a good way for me to stay focused and not get frustrated right off the bat. Once, I started seeing and feeling results...that was all I needed to keep this journey going.
I have had some setbacks and a lot of mind games that I have had to get through lately. But, that's ok. It's all part of the process. If everything was easy, we would have nothing to learn.
So...the kids are back in school, and I have really enjoyed my time with them! And, I will miss seeing their faces and hearing their laughs all day. But I am also anxious to get my "me" time back and get back on track with my weight loss journey!
I am starting what I call, "Phase 2". I am revamping my exercise routine and adding some scary classes. I am so uncomfortable with being that "fat girl" in the back of the class, huffing and puffing and completely uncoordinated. But...I am going to suck it up and just do it! There are still a lot of changes that I need to make...but, again, one thing at a time. I have come so far already, but I still have a long way to go. So, I just need to keep my head on straight, make smart decisions, keep pushing myself and remember to be patient with things that don't come easy.