Monday, August 20, 2012

Struggling.

There is a pattern to my posts lately and I really DON'T like it!!
But, I am an open and honest person, and I like to tell it like it is! As most of you know! ;) And...this is how it is!
I am struggling big time! I need my days of the kids being in school all day back. Don't get me wrong...I have enjoyed having them home. But...this past month, I have gotten a lot more relaxed with my exercise and eating. So, that tells me, that I need my days back.
This stage of my life is really nice. My kids are still young enough that I have a little ways until I get to the empty nest syndrome, yet old enough that I don't have babies or toddlers at home anymore. Having all last year with all 3 kids in school and then this whole summer with all 3 at home, really made me realize how different my state of mind is when I get very little "me" time. I have noticed this summer that, the first half  I was fine, but the second half is when I really started missing my "me" time. And, coincidentally, that is when my "funk" started. And, once I get in a funk, it's hard to get out.
I am an only child, and I grew up with a lot of time to myself. I never had to deal with the chaos of big groups much. So, time to myself is necessary for me to regroup and keep my mind in good shape. When I'm frazzled and need a break from noise, but can't get it...I turn to food. Food is my comfort and probably always will be. That is why I gained so much weight after I had the boys...my "me" time went out the window! So...I went to food for comfort A LOT!
So...this is what I am noticing now. I have been craving food more and wanting to eat everything I see. Which tells me, I need "me" time!  And, once I give in to the food, it's super hard to get myself back on track. It's like a vicious cycle! And, everything works together. Once I start eating more "junk" food...I feel awful and tired...when I feel awful and tired...I don't want to exercise...so, instead I eat more "junk" food...which then makes me...you guessed it...feel awful and tired. See a pattern?? And, when I'm tired, I crave junk food. And, the tired I'm talking about, is mentally tired. You know...from the normal everyday kid stuff like...being a referee, a maid, a cook, an entertainer, a question answerer (over and over), a taxi, etc., etc.!!  See...I was spoiled last year, I got used to not dealing with that during the day, so it allowed me to rest my brain and regroup.
Right now, I feel completely out of control of my schedule! But...I know, that once the kids go back to school, I will be able to regroup and get myself back on track!! Luckily, my funk hasn't been too damaging as far as weight loss is concerned. I know, I haven't lost as much weight or inches over the past few weeks as I would have liked. I just remind myself, that I am human and I can have these episodes. The important thing is, to recognize it and fix it, before it gets out of hand. I have worked too hard and done too well, to allow myself to stay in this funk!! IT WILL NOT HAPPEN!
So... I will now revert back to the quote that helps me forgive myself when I have bad days (or weeks). Which is..."I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it". This too shall pass...

2 comments:

mylettersofhealing said...

You are AWESOME Jill! The fact that you recognize the triggers and know how to deal with them says SO much about your progress. Hang in there just a few more days then you can get a little (or a lot) more "me time". If you need help packing and such so you actually get me time don't be afraid to ask for help. Gasp, ask for help? I know right?! But you can do this! Or if packimg alone helps you get alone time you can still say something so obnoxious people like me stop pestering you hahaha ;)

Unknown said...

I can relate with you. Also remember as you are packing that is going to be a huge workout in and of itself so don't feel bad if you don't get something else done. Doing both will be a bonus. Let me know how I can help you too. :)