Strength.

Strength. What does it mean...really?
Is it being able to admit your failures? Or...Is it being able to hide behind a happy face?
Is it being able to ask for help with your trials? Or...Is it being able to handle everything on your own?
I feel, it is all of those things. I, myself, have found strength that I didn't know existed.
The one thing that I have a hard time with, out of those 4 questions, is asking for help. I have never had a problem with admitting my failures. And, I almost always have on a happy face. Humor, for me, was a way of lessening the hurt of the teasing and the embarassment from being overweight. It is my coping mechanism. And, honestly, I prefer to handle everything on my own....for the most part, I do a pretty good job. But, I hate asking for help.
Since I have attempted and failed on numerous occasions to lose weight and get healthy, I have learned a lot about myself. I can't go into something half-hearted or uneducated and expect to succeed. This is where getting older is helpful. I have finally realized that I don't know it all. Which really sucks. So, because of this I have had to ask for help. By asking for help, I have become educated. Which then,  gives me the confidence to take on this challenge whole-heartedly.
And, that is what I have done! I have become so much stronger mentally...much stronger than I ever thought I could be. I actually enjoy exercising now...mainly because I have stuck with it long enough to feel and see results. I am not acting like a spoiled brat that is pissed off because I have to lose weight and exercise and not eat what I want...blah, blah, blah. That attitude got me nowhere over and over for lots of years. My new attitude is one of strength... I need to do this... plain and simple...no excuses...just do it.
Now, emotionally, I still have a lot of work to do. Whenever I talk or think about my weight issues and how it has affected my family and myself...I can't control my tears. It is a very sensitive subject for me. And, it's not that I mind talking about it...it's just that I always start crying when I do. So, to help me with my emotional issues, I went to the LDS Family Services Addiction Recovery Program. I have to say though, I agreed to go there with a "don't wanna go" attitude. But...I was encouraged and supported by my trainer, so I went. And, I was pleasantly surprised. This meeting was solely for the "food addictions", so that made me much more comfortable about it. But, let me just tell you...this program is a tough one and it's going to take A LOT of emotional strength from me. And, right now...I'm struggling. I am struggling with the "I don't wanna." "I don't need to" and "This is stupid." I realize that those feelings are immature (although I still have them), so I am going to grow up and give it a chance. One thing that has really helped me since I began my weight loss journey is praying for strength. And, that is exactly what I'm going to do in order to be able to proceed with this program. I realize this is the area that I will have to ask for the most help.
Another form of strength that I have seen lots of changes with is, physical strength. This has been extremely exciting for me. You can't possibly understand how tiring and frustrating it is to carry around 300+ lbs until you've done it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking for pity because I am well aware of the fact that I did it to myself. I'm just stating that my body works way harder than it should to do even the simplest of things. And, when I notice it getting easier to do those things...I get almost giddy about it. I walked up a hill without feeling like I was going to die at the top. I can lift my own body weight up stairs without using the handrail. I can clean my house a lot more thoroughly because I don't get as tired...not that I want to. :) And...I am only getting stronger with each day that I have the strength to keep doing it.
So...what is strength? It's the having ability to take care of yourself the way that you deserve and allowing yourself to do it.
"To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first." ~William Shakespeare
"Winners never quit and quitters never win." ~Vince Lombardi
"Never let the fear of striking out get in your way." ~Babe Ruth
"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." ~Mark Twain