Seriously.

On a serious note...
I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, about 3 years ago. I had Gestational Diabetes when I was pregnant with Sydney. And, diabetes runs very heavily in my family on my dad's side. So, the odds of me getting it were extremely high. My weight and eating habits certainly didn't help.
Overall, I have been very healthy my whole life. So, for me to wrap my brain around that fact that I have this disease, it's a hard pill for me to swallow. I have pretty much been in denial for the past several years. I have always had an "everything is going to be alright" attitude and for the most part, it usually is. But, I understand that with this, I can't sit back and assume that all will be ok. I have to do something to get it under control. NOW.
Fortunately, I am still pretty young and I haven't experienced many side effects to the disease. But, that doesn't mean I can sit back and pretend that nothing's wrong. Now is the ideal time to nip it in the bud, before I do experience the side effects.
To make matters worse, I have Sleep Apnea too. Which is a royal pain in the butt! And, if I want any kind of quality sleep, I have to use that stupid C-Pap machine. And, with Sleep Apnea, there comes another big list of worries. I have heard of people dying due to complications from it. Which I can't lie, that is frequently on my mind. I don't like to be a downer or a pessimist, but I do know that I need to be realistic and quit denying the fact that I have serious health issues.
A few months ago my nutritionist wanted me to get my hormones checked because hormone imbalances can really mess up your body. And we found out that my testosterone level is high. So to make sure, we checked it again a few weeks ago, and it's still high. Kind of puzzling really. I have never had issues with conceiving or menstral problems, which are the main causes. Although, I did read that diabetes can affect testosterone levels. So, I guess that diabetes is probably the culprit in my case. I also found out that a high testosterone level inhibits weight loss...lucky me! :(
With all of this being said...it reminds me of exactly why I need to lose this weight. It's not about being thin or having cute clothes. It's about be healthy and living your life to the fullest. Sometimes, I will watch my kids and think, "What kind of life would they have if I wasn't here?" Depressing, I know. And, everytime I think about it, I instantly break down in tears. I DO NOT want that! I don't want that for them...for Mike...for my parents...and certainly not for me. There is TOO much that I want to do and see. I look forward to getting older and watching my kids grow up and living a long life with Mike. And, I feel selfish sometimes because I let food control me for so long. I have missed out on a lot of things because of my size and lack of energy or strength. My kids haven't seen what I am capable of...and I don't think Mike really has either.
All I can say now is...NOT ANYMORE!!
I am so proud of myself because I have really made some changes in my life...for the better. I am taking this seriously and I am not acting like a spoiled brat that is bitter at the world anymore.
What's awesome is, that I am already noticing some changes in how I feel and my mobility. It's very exciting! I can't wait to continue on and see what else I'll be able to do!
And, keeping up with this blog has been very helpful and theraputic for me too. I appreciate all the encouragement and kind words! It really helps keep me motivated.
Sorry that this one was kinda depressing...that's just what was on my mind. And, it helps to let it out.

Life is a juggling act.

I seriously think that, in high school there should be some new required classes. Here are my suggestions...juggling, stress management, budgeting and yoga.
We would all benefit greatly from all of these!
Multi-tasking is one way of describing what parents do everyday. But, I like to call it juggling. And guaranteed, I'm gonna drop the ball with something everyday. If I sit back and think about all of my responsibilities, wants, desires, needs and "don't wanna's", I get a headache. I have so much to do and so little time to do it. Between, exercising, housework, school work, kid time, husband time, me time, cooking, laundry, shopping, planning, errands, callings, volunteering, etc...I am exhausted before I even start. And, this is just the "simple" life of a stay-at-home mom. I can't imagine having to work part-time or full-time in addition to all this.
As stressful as it is...I love it! The hardest part is prioritizing. How much time do I need for each thing? How can I divide my time, so that everything gets the attention it needs? Honestly, there is no way of answering those questions. Because, there is no exact formula...each day is different and all needs change. Some days my kids will need me more, some days my husband will need me more and some days I just need some time alone. The trick is, learning to forgive myself when I drop the ball, and then being able to put it back into the juggling act for tomorrow.
I am not perfect...far from it...but I try my best and that's all I can do. I constantly have to keep myself in check and remember what's important. Somedays I am better at juggling than others. On the not so good days, I just take a step back and look at the whole picture and if I see that I have happy kids, a happy husband and a happy me...then all is good. Granted the house may be a mess, but eventually that ball won't get dropped. You know what, maybe I should just give that ball to the kids! :) Wouldn't that be nice!
Juggling is actually kinda fun once you get your rhythm down. In high school P.E., I had a juggling lesson and we used scarves instead of balls which was much easier. The scarves would just float through the air making it easier to maintain the motion, where as a ball would drop faster. So, in order to apply this to my everyday life, I think of my tasks as "scarves". The more complicated I make each task, the heavier "the scarf" gets and the faster it will drop. If I don't put so much pressure on myself it will make it a lot easier to juggle.
K.I.S.S. Keep it simple stupid! Right? Isn't that my new motto?
Anyway, another successful week...I lost 1.6 lbs which brings my total to 9.8 lbs in 2 weeks and I have been exercising every weekday. I didn't do so good with meal planning or prepping, but those are tasks I tend to make more complicated so they end up getting dropped faster. So, this week I will follow my own advice and simplify. :)

I like to move it, move it!

So far...so good!! :)
This was a SUCCESSFUL week!! Went to my first WW meeting and lost 8.2 lbs!! WooHoo!!
Only 191.6 lbs to go...**SIGH** But, you know what...I can't look at it like that. I have to focus on smaller goals like 10 lbs at a time or 5% at a time. That feels more achievable and less depressing.
And, I am happy to say that, the weight loss isn't my only success this week. I saw my trainer for the 2nd time and had my first workout. And...I survived!! It feels so good to move this body!  Yes, I have been staying active over the past few months by walking and some Kinect Sports, but nothing real strenuous. Until now...
With the concern and kindness of a great friend of mine, I was introduced to a gem of a lady. This lady is multi-talented, and is going to have a huge influence on my transformation. She is gonna push me, teach me, guide me, motivate me and encourage me. Not only, is she a trainer, she is a nutritionist and a therapist too! SCORE!! Plus, we get along spendidly and can relate on many levels. Can't get much more perfect than that! My future is looking brighter and brighter everyday!!
And, my attitude right now, is right where it needs to be. I am excited to do more and do better, instead of being pissed because I can't have "this" or have to do "that". I am beginning to push myself...which is unheard of! I am making smarter food choices. I am doing exercise that is fun and not so mundane. I just have to sat that, I LOVE the X-Box Kinect! We have Sports, Dance, Zumba and a couple of other things that really get me moving and sweating. SO much more fun than the plain 'ol gym workout! Plus, I can get the kids and hubby involved and get a little friendly (most of the time) competition going on. And, let me just say this, in the most humble way possible...I KICK BUTT!  I may be stuck in this oversized body, but I still got moves...and I ain't afraid to use 'em!
To top it all off...I have cut down TREMENDOUSLY on fast food and I have only had 1...yes, that's right...ONE soda this week! Yay me!!
But, I am not telling myself "no" because that triggers my inner rebel that says, "oh really...we'll see about that!" I just have to keep reminding myself of the bigger picture and what I need to change, in order to succeed. Even though, it's only been a week or so of eating better, exercising more and drinking very little soda, I can feel some changes. I am more alert and feel less bloated. And, that's what I have to think about when I want fast food or soda. I won't eliminate it, but I will cut it way down.
And, the more smart choices I make...the faster this weight will come off! Think thin...think healthy...think...cute clothes! :)

Ready...Set...Go!

This week has been an eventful week! Some of the events were good...and some not so good.
Let's focus on the good...sort of...depends on how you look at it! :)
I went back to Weight Watchers this week! WooHoo!! I am pleased to announce that I have become a professional Weight Watcher Joiner!! I can fill out that membership paperwork like nobody's business!!
One thing that I have been able to do over the years of going to meetings off and on, is "Leader" shop. Which means, I know which WW Leader that I like, so I picked my meeting accordingly. Each leader has a different style of teaching the same thing. I have been to leaders that are so OVERLY enthusiastic that it makes me want to throw up. And, I have also been to the hum-drum style that acts like "is the 30 minutes over yet?" Neither one is my cup of tea. When I joined a year and a half ago, I really liked my leader, so I am attending a meeting with her. I feel that a leader can really make or break your experience...same as a teacher does for students.
So, I walked into my meeting and headed over to the counter to join and she immediately recognizes me and gives me a big hug welcoming me back. Isn't that nice! :) She says, "I can't remember names , but I DO remember faces!" I wouldn't expect her to remember my name, especially since we rarely use our names. But, the fact that she remembered me a year and a half later...of not going for very long, I might add...made me feel good! Even the girl behind the counter recognized me! I must be one of those people that you just can't forget! ;) LOL! Don't know if that's good or bad...
Anyway, after all of this excitement of "Oh! Welcome back" "Glad to have you back!" I still had to do the thing that I dreaded most. Step on the scale. I can't say that I have been very careful of the calories that I have been consuming, so I knew it wouldn't be good. But, I am an adult and I will take full responibility for my actions.
Are you ready?! Here it is...after taking out all of my pocket contents and stripping as much as I could and going to the bathroom one last time...I stepped on the scale. There it was...374.8 lbs. **SIGH** OK. Kinda what I expected. Doesn't make it any easier to see though.
One thing that I try to do as a mom is be completely open and honest with my kids. I feel that if I expect them to respect me, I should show them the same respect. They are just as concerned about me as I am of them. So, I let them know what is going on and what I am doing to try to get healthy again. I think they appreciate that, it helps them feel like they can be my supporters.
When I came home from WW, Brett asked me how things went. He knew that I saw my trainer Friday and Weight Watchers Saturday (Brett has actually attended a meeting with me in the past). So, I told him that it went really well. He then asked me how much I weighed. So I responded, "Too much." He then says, "No really, mom, how much?" I then told him. And, Brett, being the sweetheart that he is said, "That's not that much Mom." So, I had to laugh and thank him for being so sweet. And then, Colby chimed in and said, "Well, at least it's not 400 Mom, that's good!" Brett then agreed.  I have the sweetest boys!! I told this to Mike and he just simply said, "They love their momma."
As hard as it is to see that number on the scale...I know that it's the result of the decisions that I've made. And, I have no regrets, only lessons learned.
Time to take what I have learned and do what I need to do!

It's a new year!! K.I.S.S.

Keep It Simple Stupid...that is my new motto. K.I.S.S.

I have developed a pattern over the years and I call it the curse of the "over's". What I mean by that is I over-complicate, over-analyze, over-indulge, over-eat, over-worry, over-think, over-promise and I am sure there is more...but, I won't over-bore you with a longer list! ;) And...yes, I know, some of these are not actual words. But, bear with me...you know what I'm trying to say!
So, since this is the start of a new year...I have come up with a resolution that falls in line with my new motto by keeping it simple. Which is to BE HEALTHY...in body, mind and soul. The goal itself won't be simple to achieve because there are a lot of things that need to be done. But..."Be healthy" does sum up all my desires into a simple 2 word resolution. Pretty straightforward to some...probably a little vague to others. I don't have all the answers, so I can't list a bunch of resolutions with certainty that they will work. All I can do is follow my heart and instincts and do what I feel is right in order to be healthy. And, that's all I want...is to be healthy.
I have done a lot of soul-searching over that past few months. I don't know why I have developed a food addiction and I don't know why I turn to food all the time. And...to be completely honest...I don't care! I could spend my whole life wondering why, and then use the fact that I haven't figured it out, as an excuse to not do anything about it. Or, I can do what I know is right and quit pissin' and moanin' about it. And, also stop running away from the hard work and dedication it's going to take to get it done.
Even though, when I started this blog, I had a different expectation on where I would be at this point,  I am not disappointed with myself. I understand that there is a learning process in everything we do, in order to be successful. It's not easy to change lifelong patterns and habits overnight. Just be aware of your limits and then push yourself out of your comfort zone.
I just recently accomplished something that I wasn't confident I could do. I walked 3 1/2 miles! For me...that's a BIG deal! And, I wouldn't have done it if it weren't for some great friends that know how to push my buttons and give me a challenge and push me out of my comfort zone. ;) Love you guys!
My first step in achieving my goal is to start Weight Watchers again. And, this time...I will have a lot better attitude going in and do what I need to do!
My next step is working with a trainer/nutritionist/therapist as an added helper, since I know I can't do this alone!
Before, when I would look at myself in the mirror...I couldn't imagine what I would look like 200 lbs thinner. Now, I can totally see it! Although it would be nice to drop 200 lbs overnight, I am excited to look back on this experience and see all that I have learned about myself.
This is going to be a GOOD year!! I can FEEL it!
Just a forewarning to those that I am closest with...I will be pretty moody at first and may bite, so be prepared!! :)