Some people may hate getting older, but not me, I enjoy getting older. Don't get me wrong, there are some things that I don't enjoy; such as, my body falling apart and my memory getting worse. But, for the most part, I can honestly say that things are starting to "click" more and I am having a lot more "ah-ha" moments.
Since high school, I have steadily gained weight. In my junior year I lost almost 30 lbs (which I gained back) and then right after I had Sydney I lost 55 lbs (which I gained back). Other than those periods, I have just been getting heavier and heavier. Which, is getting scarier and scarier for me now. I constantly think about dying young, and I constantly get pissed off at myself because of the simple things that I can't do.
So, the reason why I like getting older, is because I am finally understanding what I need to do. Too many times, I have expected so much of myself that I was destined to fail. I compared myself to everyone else and didn't stop to think if it would work the same for me. I just assumed it would. And, when it didn't, I gave up and lost all confidence in myself.
Now that I am older, I don't just take someone else's way of doing things and run with it. Instead, I will take their idea or routine, and then reconstruct it to suit my style or my family's style. I have realized (the hard way) that I have to really think about a plan or even just family rules before I implement them. The questions I have to ask myself are, "Will it work for my family?' "Will I follow through with it?" "Is it something that is worth the effort?" "Is it easing the stress or adding to it?" Those questions help me know if it is worth my time.
I am a VERY creative person, and I come up with ALL kinds of ideas to "Simplify" my life. Problem is, I fail to really think it through before I get all excited and introduce it into the family regimen. And, I do this on a regular basis. I'll come up with something and then re-do it and then re-do it again. No reason really, other than boredom. My poor family never knows what the heck is going on half the time. My kids function so much better when they know what to expect...so does my husband and so do I, for that matter. Since, I am constantly changing things, the stress level is much higher than it needs to be. As my husband puts it, "I have no problem with routines, I just want one to be consistant".
So, learning this, is what comes with age. I feel that I have the knowledge now to create a realistic plan that is attainable and final. At least, one that won't change every other day.
I am super excited about this year to come!! And, because of all the things that I have realized, I don't feel so overwhelmed by what it is I need to do. I know that I can accomplish anything...I just need to be aware of my expectations and be patient with myself. I am ready to take control of my life and start living to my full potential. Over the years, I have lost a lot of my silliness and athleticism, and I really miss it. My kids have never seen what I am actually capable of doing. Plus, I really miss cute clothes and shoes!
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