Reality check...

Today is the day that I am going to face the music, and step on that scale...
I decided that it was past time for me to go out and buy a new scale because the past 2 weeks I have been slacking BIG time! Although, I have still been walking and doing some X-Box exercising (thanks to Kinect Sports), but my body is used to that now. So, if I want results, I need to STEP IT UP! Blah!!!
So...here it is...are you ready?... I'm not!!
I stepped on the scale and I was half expecting it to say, "Whoa Momma! Get OFF!!" Luckily, it didn't say that. But, after several times of stepping on, stepping off, figuring out how to work the stupid thing...there it was...the dreaded results. 366.4 lbs! All I can say now is, "SHIT!! What the HELL did I do to myself!!" (pardon the language, I could have said a few other choice words, but I didn't).
I must live in denial. Or, maybe it's my problem with Unrealistic Optimism. Either way, everything that I have been doing has caught up to me. I mean, really...how could I be so naive, as to think, that my behaviors would have a different result. I was hoping, I guess. Who wouldn't want the luxury of eating anything they want and not have a weight problem, right?
You know, we all have a mental image of ourselves in our head. And, my mental image is definitely not me at this weight. It is me, probably about 100 lbs lighter. Which would explain why I run into corners and knock over things with my butt while walking through a store. I misjudge my size all the time! I don't know why I have that image in my head. I mean, I have been over 300 lbs for over 7 years, so it's not like it happened just recently. Maybe... it's me, not accepting reality or just being ashamed. Or, maybe, it's just the fact that I avoid mirrors and cameras, for the mere reason that I don't want to know what I look like now. Sometimes, that fantasy world, is a lot more pleasant to be in. But, the fact is, my fantasy won't have a happy ending if I don't face the reality of things.
Over the past 5 weeks, I have been working more on behaviors and triggers. I have been bringing in some better habits gradually because I am notorious for rebelling if I am forced to do too much. Yes, I know, I am an adult, I need to grow up! :)  But, my history with any weight loss or exercise routine is that, I am all gung-ho for a few weeks and then I lose motivation. Which I see happening right now.
When I went to Weight Watchers, they talked about having an "anchor". They also gave each new member a tiny red stirring straw at their first meeting. That straw symbolized, "the last straw"...what was "the last straw" that made you join Weight Watchers? Which, for everyone, it is different. What was that turning point, that finally makes you realize that you need to do something. Now, the anchor, is an object that you carry with you, to help remind you of that "last straw". For some, it's a lucky charm or a keychain. I think for me...as much as I don't like it...it would be a picture of myself currently. That would be the reminder I need help me make the right choices. Since my mental image is a lie, I need that slap in face to remind me of what I have done to myself.
Thankfully, I have a HUGE support system! I have my family and SO many friends that are rooting me on. I have exercise partners, exercise routine planners, recipe helpers and little hugs and kisses that keep me on track. I am so blessed for that! I just need to remember to root myself on! :)
So, to all of my supporters...this is my promise to you...
I WILL do everything in my power to get myself under control and
I WILL NOT QUIT!!
My goal is to be 250 lbs or less by my next birthday (July 15) . That means I need to lose about 120 lbs in 9 months and I KNOW I can do it!! My reason for the specifics is because Boulder City has a zip-line, and the weight limit is 250 lbs. And, I want to go on that zip-line!!! And, anyone else that would like to join me, I would love it!
So, please keep me in your prayers and keep rooting me on!!

This is my "anchor"