Thankful for me

We don't often take the time to express "Thanks" to ourselves. We are always too busy worrying about everything else. Last November, I wrote a post that had lists of top 10 things I love about me. I'm not going to do that this time. But...I am going to take a moment and give myself a pat on the back for being me.
I have been noticing so many small things that I have been able to do physically lately since I have lost weight. It is a strange feeling to be quite honest. Since high school, I have been gaining weight. So, the only feelings that I have had about myself have been those of disgust and disappointment. I lost weight after Sydney was born, but for some reason, even though it was 55 lbs, it never made an impact on me. But, my weight loss this time, has made a huge impact on me!
You can't imagine, unless you're the same size as me, the constant state of embarrassment that goes along with being a 300+ pound woman/mother/wife. Every time I walk into a room, I feel like there is this huge spotlight on me because of how big I am. I get stares and sometimes even comments about it. I walked past a kid at the park one day, and he just looked at me and gasped, and made some comment...I don't remember now what that comment was. But...what I do remember, was his reaction when he saw me walk by. Those things stick with you, whether you want them to or not. People can be so cruel.
I have always had a good sense of humor, it's in my personality. And, thank goodness for that!! My sense of humor is what helped me survive the hard times of growing up in a body that wasn't thin like a lot of my peers. I would usually make some kind of joke about myself in order to "break the ice" and get it out there...that way I could feel more comfortable socially. Kind of weird, I know. But, as a self-conscious person and one that hates whispers, I would much rather have the honesty start from me. That way nobody feels like they have to whisper. If I'm open about it, then they can be open about it too. I know I probably draw more attention to it than I should, but that's just how I dealt with it and still do, for that matter.
Now, going back to why I'm thankful for me. I am so proud of myself for all the hard work that I have been doing to make this life change. I have surprised myself in so many ways. As stupid as I feel exercising at home all by myself or in front of my trainer...I still do it. As frustrating as it is to not be able to stuff my face with a huge plate of junk food...I somehow manage to control myself. Most of the time. ;) I am thankful that I didn't lose hope. I am thankful that I believe in myself and I know that I will succeed. I am thankful that I have been humbled and admitted that I need help. I am thankful that I can be aware of my weaknesses and make adjustments accordingly.
I went to Aviation Nation yesterday, and for the first time in years, I was at a "walking" event with energy to walk. Normally, my weight would drag me down and I would poop out without even doing much. I would dread these kinds of events because I never enjoyed them. It was more work for me than it was fun because of my lack of energy. But...this time I was raring to go...I was walking and walking and just really enjoying myself! What a great feeling that was!! It was just another "small victory" that makes all this hard work worth it!
So...during this month of "Thanks" I will say this...I am thankful for the courage and strength that I have demonstrated over the past 10 months in making such a difficult lifestyle change. I am thankful for the drive and dedication that I have shown in completing the goals that I have set. I am thankful for having the patience necessary to forgive myself when I fall and to be understanding when it doesn't come easy. I am thankful that I have been able to put myself first in order to get healthy, so I can live a long life with my family.
I encourage all of my supporters...all of whom I am also SO thankful for...to do this as well. Be thankful for you!!