Back to normal.

Let me just tell you how wonderful it is to be back to normal!!! Well...as normal as a mother of 3 can be! I can't even imagine having more kids!! A BIG shout out to all my friends that are completely NUTS and have more than 3!! You know what...a BIG shout out to ANY mother!! Being a mother is the greatest gift in the world, but it sure does take a toll on us mommy's...emotionally and physically!
But...I'll tell you what...if you can squeeze in any time everyday to take care of yourself, it is so worth it!! Yes, there is guilt...I've been there. But, after you see what a difference it makes, the guilt goes away! Doing something everyday, for yourself...whether it's exercise, reading, taking a bubble bath, writing in a journal...it doesn't matter. We are SO important to our kids and it is crucial that we take care of ourselves the way that they deserve!
It has taken me 10 years to figure that out! Mainly because I was stubborn, in denial, didn't want to change and pissed off and bitter that I needed to change! I honestly never thought I could ever get to 375 lbs. I just thought that every time I ate an enormous, unhealthy meal...it was like no big deal. I have small kids, I am plenty active to burn off those calories. NOT!! It takes A LOT of activity to burn off a small amount of calories...I know this now.
I have been on so many diets over the years. And, each one, I was sure that it would be the one that worked! Ya...well...little did I know...the diet is a very small part of the equation in the outcome of success. The larger part is ourselves. How important is it?? How important are we to ourselves, to be willing to make so many sacrifices in order to succeed?? It's tough!  As mom, a woman, a wife, whatever...every day is stressful...period. When I'm stressed out, I want to eat!! But...is food that important?? So, I think of my kids. I think of my husband, raising our kids without me. I think of missing out on so many things.  And, the answer to that question is...NO! Although, I have to say...that food sometimes wins. Sometimes it gets the best of me. But...it is becoming less and less of a battle. It will never go away, but I am getting better at calming myself down before I turn to food.
My whirlwind of a month of stress, was a true test for me to see how I well I can handle food. I had a lot of up's and down's...and big ones! I gained 3 weeks in a row totaling 6.6 lbs. The next 2 weeks I lost big...4.2 lbs and 5.8 lbs. After that I gained 5.6 lbs (it wasn't 6.4 like I thought, the lady added wrong). Then last week I lost 5 lbs. Like I said...BIG up's and down's. Even though I was all over the place with my weight, I managed to maintain through this whole phase. That is HUGE for me!! In the past I would have totally used this as an excuse to completely fall off the wagon and not look back. I would have convinced myself that it was fine and I would start again soon...whenever that would be.
Well not this time!! As hard as it is to exercise as much as I do. As irritating as it is to track everything that I eat. I am LOVING this journey!! I have experienced some awesome things that I haven't experienced in a LONG time!! I went to the movie theater with my family and I sat in the seat...and get this...my hips were not squeezed to death by the armrests! What a great feeling!! I ordered shirts online in a size XL...which I haven't worn in years...and guess what...they fit!!!
Once again...it's the little victories, that make this SO fun!
Now that my life is back to normal, I have planned out my exercise routine, adding in a lot of new things. I am eating better and still working on a meal plan...this one overwhelms me more than the exercise does. But, I'm getting there. I have challenged myself to change up some of my old habits and start adding in new ones. Like...going to bed earlier, this one is very hard because I LOVE nighttime. And, I also want to read more...another hard one because it is difficult for me to get engaged in a book quick enough to stick with it. But, that is why it's called a challenge.
Patience...just remember patience.
So, my next big milestone should hopefully be coming very soon!! I am less than 5 lbs away from being under 300 lbs!! I haven't seen that in over 8 years!! That will bring my total to 75 lbs! UNREAL!! :) :)