Thursday, July 26, 2012

Frustrated

I know I shouldn't be frustrated, but I am. I know that I tend to bite off more than I can chew and I expect too much of myself at times. And, I know that I run myself ragged with all the demands that I put on myself.  Which then results in me failing at something and then I get FRUSTRATED and wonder why.
I sometimes live in a fantasy world and I think I will lose lots of weight every week...knowing full well that having that thought is ridiculous. But...I can't help it, I still think that way. I guess that is why I refer to myself as the "Unrealistic Optimist".
Sometimes, I have a week where I feel like I have eaten really well and I have been super diligent with my exercise. Then I weigh in, and if I don't see the results that I want, I get really mad. But, why do I get mad if I am still losing?? I don't get it!! I mean really, I did lose almost a pound this week, I should be satisfied with that, right? Maybe it's because I am so close to 60 pounds. Maybe it's because I am so close to being under 300 lbs. I don't know. I think it's just that...each week that I have a small number, it adds on another week until I get to those goals. And, that irritates me!
I'll tell you one thing though, I am tired. I keep myself so busy to the point that I don't allow myself quality chill out time. But the problem is, when I do have chill out time, I am constantly thinking about of all the things that I should be doing! So how do I win?!? I don't like to exercise in front of the kids. I want to put on my headphones and be LEFT ALONE and that won't happen while the kids are awake. So, I end up exercising a few nights a week until midnight. I actually really enjoy exercising, but this schedule is wearing me out. And, I haven't figured out the balance of pushing my body and letting my body rest. I know there has to be a special formula somewhere. But, honestly, in my brain, I think that the more I exercise the more results I will get. Sounds logical right? I don't know...I'm just confused...and frustrated. Grrrr!
Don't even get me started on food! What a headache! Planning...shopping...prepping...counting!  I think I need a personal chef and a grocery shopper! That would be AWESOME! But, eventhough it's a headache, I think I am actually doing pretty well with food. But, am I saying that because I'm in denial?? Am I convincing myself that I am doing things right because I am too afraid to admit otherwise? I really don't think so. I know that I am not perfect by any stretch of the means. And, I know that I am making smart choices. Question is...am I doing enough?? Am I starting to get lazy?? Only thing I can do now is get super strict with measuring. I think that might be where I am hurting myself. I don't know...we'll find out next week I guess.
You know, I think I do a good job at really trying to stay postive all the time..but sometimes,  I just get frustrated!!  And, I really don't like feeling this way, but I am human, and I have to allow myself to be honest and release ALL my emotions if I want to get back on track! Fortunately for me, I bounce back very quickly. So, by the time I post this, I'll probably be back to normal. LOL! :) This too shall pass, right? RIGHT!

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I agree with you that you need to allow yourself to be frustrated and even sad. Heck cry if you want to...it is healthy to do so. It is okay to realize you are not superwoman that you are doing all that you can. But in the same respect DON'T GIVE UP!!! Keep on swimming as I said but allow yourself to be frustrated. I love you Jill and you really are doing an amazing job and really it is okay to be frustrated! HUGS!