Teaching an old dog new tricks.

It's a new year.
Time to set ridiculously unrealistic goals...get frustrated...quit and then continue with what I was doing but only worse.
Isn't that a negative and pessimistic way of looking at resolutions? But... it's honest.
I have a multitude of things that I want to change and work on, but I am not going to make the same mistake this year that I do every other year. Which is...attempting to completely change every bad habit that I have ever had and start a routine that is completely unfamiliar and different...starting January 1st. That.is.absurd. Because...obviously...that ambitious, yet admirable approach, doesn't work.
And, I know that this isn't my usual "go get 'em" attitude. But...this is how I really feel.
I am quite aware of my abilities and how far I can push myself before I get pissed off. I have learned this over the past 2 years. And by saying that, it doesn't mean that I will become complacent...it just means that I know my limits. I know how much I can take on before it affects me emotionally. I am a VERY sensitive and emotional person. So...I have to be cautious of that.
I beat myself up over everything. I want to be perfect at everything I attempt...instantly. I am impatient, so I want results immediately. You see where I'm going with this?
That is why I can't set goals that seem so far away and are so different than what I'm used to. I don't handle stress well...I have reluctantly accepted this. As much as I want to reach for the stars, I just can't. It's too much. Right now...I need to focus on goals that are more clearly in sight.
As a family, there are a lot of things that we need to work on. And, as a mother making these things happen is my responsibility. I have to lead by example. I can't expect my kids to change, if I can't get my own shit together! Excuse the language. ;)
Ultimately...it starts with organization and planning.
I have to take a good hard look at each of our likes, dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. What can we all do that will not only make a positive impact, but is also something that we can enjoy. If I start a routine that we all hate or dread...it will never last. Plain and simple. It needs to be more gradual and somewhat subtle. As a mom, I need to initiate the changes in a less aggressive way so the kids don't know what hit them. By gradually changing how we eat and incorporating more activity in a fun way, it will help us all to feel better. That, in turn, will begin the changes we need to make as a family. I have to take into consideration the foods and activities that we each like and plan around that. I can't expect us to be accepting of change by forcing everyone to eat or do things we don't like. We all have favorite vegetables and fruits...it may be very few, but it's a start. Once we get on the path of eating healthier, our tastes will change and our number of favorites will increase.
It's not just about me anymore. My actions have taken a toll on the whole family. And, it is time to turn things around to make our lives healthier, longer and more fulfilling. Without making it miserable for everyone. The steps may be small, but they will be in the right direction.
In order to start taking those steps, I need to know where to begin.
There are two things that I have learned about myself.
1. I am a VERY visual person. What I see can have a huge impact on my mood. If my house is a mess or feels unorganized, I am in an irritable mood most of the time. I can't stand clutter! But...what's funny is...I'm a messy person. I leave things around all over the place with the intent of "I'll put it away later." And...guess what? My kids follow suit. And...why shouldn't they? "If mommy does it than so can I." When I have a clean house, my mood is so much better. And, when I am in a good mood, I make better choices. I don't just sit around pissed off because my house is a mess and I don't want to clean it and then I eat a bunch of crap to make myself feel better which in the end makes me feel worse because I just ate a bunch of crap! Whew!! It's a vicious cycle. So...here's what I can do. I can begin with cleaning up after myself, putting things away before it piles up and help prevent the vicious cycle from beginning. Lead by example.
2. I am all about convenience. Hence...the reason why I love fast food. It's quick and easy and I don't have to cook it or clean up a bunch of dishes. But...it is SO unhealthy and has made a tremendously noticeable impact on our family. We are ALL gaining weight and becoming lethargic. NOT good! This is where organization and planning are most important. If I plan out meals and snacks, have things prepped and ready to go...then I have made it more convenient for our family. Which will decrease the amount of fast food we eat. This behavior is another contributor to my mood. When my body is full of healthy foods then I feel better. It's a no brainer. I've always known this, but have still made the bad choices.
It all comes down to emotions. How am I feeling emotionally? When I'm in a good state of mind then all is well. The 2 behaviors that I listed above are very different in how they impact my emotions. The first one is psychological. When my living space is uncluttered then my mind feels uncluttered, so I am less stressed and overwhelmed. The second one is physical. What I put in my body affects how I think and function. So, I am less likely to become depressed because of my sugar levels and fatigue.
In December, I received all my blood work back from my doctor's visit in November. And...the red flag was my blood sugar. No surprise. My weight HAS to change and HAS to change for good!! NO more of this lose and gain, lose and gain crap. That is why I am SO adamant in how I proceed with this. As much as I want to "bite off more than I can chew", I have learned that, emotionally, that approach is disastrous. One thing that my doctor has done to help me with all my mental "demons" is prescribe an anti-depressant. I don't like being reliant on medication, but I have noticed a big difference since I've been taking it. My mind is calmer and I have more patience. It's such a nice feeling to not feel so on edge all the time.
One thing that will never change in this journey is my determination to get healthy...family included.
So, my New Year's resolution this year is to be smart...be mindful of how to make the changes necessary in a way that is accepted, appreciated and long lasting.