Top 10 Lessons Learned and Simple Goals and Dreams of a Fat Girl...volume 4.

For almost 2 years now, I have been on what I call my weight loss journey...and what a journey it has been. And, I feel like a lot of my posts lately have had a "Debbie Downer" and "poor me" tone...which I don't like. I am a very positive, optimistic and "look on the bright side" kind of person. So, I don't like to bring anybody down with what I write. But...I also, want to stay true to how I'm feeling at that moment. Sometimes, I post when I'm just bummed out and have had a bad day...it helps me get out of that funk. And, sometimes, I post when I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel or have acknowledged and been proud of my progress. Either way...I am honest. I have good days and bad days just like everyone else. As much as I would have loved to stay totally focused and in the game until the end...I realize that life happens. And, it is so easy and natural to revert back to the comfort zone...whatever that may be.
I frequently post about my accomplishments physically, but I don't know I how much I have written about what I have learned about myself over the past 2 years. I am gaining (no pun intended) everything that I want from this journey. Sure, I would like to be much thinner. Sure, I wish that I wouldn't have gained back some of the weight that I have lost. But...I have learned so much about myself during all of this and that is worth more than what that scale tells me.
So here are my Top Ten Lessons Learned...
1. I have learned to think for myself. I am a wishy washy, easily persuaded and indecisive person. I rely a lot on what people think and usually base my decisions on that. Well...I have come to realize that I am not always happy with those decisions, but at that time, it felt right. And, because of this, it has made me reflect and take a good hard look at me and what it is that I want. Which has been very freeing. I have been able to make choices that are mine. I'm not saying that I am a puppet and that I only do what others tell me to do. All I am saying is, that I am comfortable with my own wants and desires and I'm not afraid of what others think, if they don't align with theirs. And, that is HUGE for me.
2. I've learned how to say "no". I want to help everybody! But, sometimes that comes at the expense of my own sanity. I will put my own schedule on hold to give that extra service if needed. Which, I enjoy doing. But...sometimes, I need to think before I agree to help out. I need to think..."Can I do this without stressing myself out?" "Will this interfere with previous engagements?" I don't like saying no, but sometimes, I need to.
3. I have learned not to compare myself to others. I am me. I know what works for me. I will look at others and think to myself "Why can't I do that?" "Why can't I look like that?" "If she can do it, than I can do it." I will drive myself nuts with the wishing and hoping. I do enjoy watching others for inspiration though, but I also have to stay focused and know my own capabilities. Not everyone is designed the same inside or out. Yes...I do need to strive for the extreme, but I also need to be patient with my limitations.
4. Find your best friend. The one that is perfect to talk to for that problem. I have many best friends. I don't mean that in a conceited way. What I mean is, I will be in a certain kind of funk, and there are certain people that I reach out to, in order to get me out of those specific funks. I am blessed to have such a wide variety of great people in my life and they each offer their own dose of medicine to help cure my blues. It is crucial to open up and talk about things in order to feel better and get a different perspective.
5. It is ok to struggle with things. I am not perfect. Not everything will come naturally. Just keep pushing and keep trying different methods. In time, I will find that method that works.
6. I am not alone. One blessing that I have received from being open and honest about my trials and thoughts, is that I have touched a lot of other people. I have opened up others and they have confessed of having the same issues or thoughts. And, as much as I don't want them to suffer from the same things that I do...it is comforting to know that I am not alone. You never realize what is going on with someone until you're able to listen. Not everyone is an open book like I am, so it is nice to know that I can 'break the ice' and learn that I am experiencing the same trials as so many others.
7. I love my body. Some of you may say "Really???". But, I do. It has taken me a LONG time to feel and say that though. But, what I don't like is, the limitations that the size of my body brings. I have been big/bigger my whole life. And, believe it or not, I do have a good shape. It is an hourglass that holds quite a bit of extra time. And...who doesn't need a little extra time, right? ;) I am soft. I am fun to squeeze and I LOVE hugs. Yes, I am still self conscious and still want to be thinner, but I know that I have a good body...it just has a lot more cushion than most. ;)
8. Simplify. I am much better than what I used to be. I am far from where I want to be, but I have made progress. When I simplify, and think about something for awhile before I do it, it makes my life much less stressful. I am notorious for over-complicating everything! Because I have realized this about myself, I now give myself 'self-talks' before I jump into a project or whatever else. "Is it worth it?" "Is this the best way to approach this?" "Will it be something that I will follow through with?" These self-talks have helped me save lots of time, money and stress.
9. Kids see all. Everything I do and say is being recorded by their little minds. Scary, huh?? I won't always make the right choices...I won't always set a good example...I will frequently say things that I shouldn't. I am human. And, my kids are exposed to all of me. So, when I do have those "bad mommy" moments, I will totally admit it. I feel that it can be just as helpful for kids to see their parents make mistakes. Because when they watch us screw up, they also watch us to see how we fix it. And, that is a very important learning lesson for them. They watch to see...will we fly off the handle or will we approach it with a level head and examine what it was that we did wrong. That will make a lasting impression on them and how they will handle their own problems. My journey is a good example of that. They have seen me gung ho and they have seen me struggle, but they have not seen me quit.
10. Be thankful and grateful for all the little things. No matter how small the progress may feel...it is progress, nonetheless. Be thankful and grateful for obstacles because that is where you'll grow the most. Don't say I should've done more because that is never ending and will lead to a constant state of disappointment. Pat yourself on the back for every step forward and be compassionate for every step back. Be accepting of differences and patient with struggles.
So...I have learned a lot. I will continue to learn a lot. I will get healthy. I will get rid of my Diabetes or at least get it to the point where I'm off of the medication. I will get rid of my Sleep Apnea. Small steps. I am making life changes...one step at a time.
Now onto the Simple Goals and Dreams of a Fat Girl, Volume 4...and I'm sure some are repeated, but some goals and dreams never change. :)
1. I want to climb my stairs without dying at the top.
2. I want to wear cute shoes again. Big clunky Doc Marten sandals. Funky colored Vans. Whatever tickles my fancy.
3. I want to fit in a booth comfortably.
4. I want to walk past a group of kids without getting those "look how big she is" stares.
5. I want to be healthy, so my loved ones can stop worrying.
6. I want to play sports again without being held back by my size and stamina.
7. I want to wrestle with my kids without fear of crushing them.
8. I want to sit in a chair next to someone and not practically sit in their lap.
9. I want to know what it feels like to not obsess about food.
10. I want to chase my kids and actually catch them.
11. I want to drive a race car.
12. I want to travel and not have to have that extra piece of luggage called the C-Pap machine.
13. I want to be attractive to sleep next to and not look and sound like Darth Vader.
14. I want to wear patterned clothes and not worry about how enormous that print makes me look.
15. I want to have legs that don't retain so much water. I want legs that are not so sensitive to pressure. I want to see my ankles and knees again.
16. I want to be able to go on vacations that are more outdoorsy and enjoy them to the fullest. I want to hike and explore. I want to walk miles without being so tired all the time.
17. I want to know what it feels like to conquer this lifelong challenge of losing weight. I want to be at a weight that all I need to do is maintain.
18. I don't want my kids to have the same issues as me. I want them to have a healthy relationship with food and not have to deal with the cruelness and limitations that comes with being overweight.
19. I want to get rid of my medication.
20. I want to shop in a normal sized person department.
There it is. Lessons learned and my goals and dreams. And, because of all my self discoveries, I have become a much more calm and content person. I am discovering who I am and what makes me happy. What is it that I really want to accomplish? How to do I get to those goals and still enjoy life? I have a plan. I am taking it easy this summer. But, once school starts again. Game on!