My story...up till this point

I love food!! In the beginning it was harmless, but as I have gotten older it has become a huge problem.
Here is the story of how and why I have gained so much weight. Sorry if it's long and boring. It's theraputic for me and I wanted to share it. So, here it goes...
Going back 100 years ago, in high school, I started Weight Watchers (for the 1st of many times). I managed to lose 30 lbs, which put me at a healthy weight. I was pretty darn hot !! But, I was also pretty darn stupid, because I smoked. Smoking helped me out tremendously with losing weight. I started smoking at 16 and mainly  used it as a tool to keep my mouth busy, curb my appetite and distract my mind from thinking about food.
Right after high school, I began managing a retail store. Van Heusen to be exact. I was still at a pretty descent weight. But, because of the long hours and added stress of being a manager, I turned to food in addition to smoking. Double Whammy!! It didn't take long for the weight to start packing on, and quickly too.
When I was 19, I met Mike, and I fell for him immediately. After we dated for awhile, we sat down and talked about our relationship and where it was headed. He then opened up to me and expressed his dislike of the fact that I smoked. He was hesitant to commit because of it. I assured him that it isn't a habit that I plan on keeping. I took me 2 years from that conversation to be mentally ready to quit. Smoking was not as enjoyable as it once was. I felt guilty because I knew Mike hated it. It became very expensive and started to become more of an addiction. So, I decided that something needed to be done. I quit cold turkey, I was 21 years old, and I haven't smoked since. I am so thankful that Mike stuck with me and believed in me.
So, now that I no longer smoked...it's was all about FOOD!! It's a love/hate relationship!! :)
I wasted no time gaining weight. It is one of things that I KNOW I do well!! I have NO problem gaining weight! It's a gift, I guess. ;) By the time Mike and I got married I was 230 pounds (I was 150 pounds in high school). After I had the boys, I was about 260 pounds.
TWINS!! Who would've thought?! Now, I have more issues contributing to the weight gain. I was now a stay-at-home mom with access to food at anytime. Never good!! I was new at cooking, so my meals were not usually healthy, if I cooked at all. Gotta love fast food. I would then eat all the leftovers of the kids as well as my own food. Plus, let's face it, I have twins...can we say overwhelmed?! It didn't help that I never grew up around babies, so I was totally clueless! HUGE adjustment for me! So, obviously, food quickly became my best friend. Luckily, I had my awesome parents and sister-in -law that came over to help keep me sane. Thank God for that!
By the time I got pregnant with Sydney, I managed to eat my way up to 320 pounds. My family was very concerned with my health at this point. I, however, was still in denial. During the pregnancy, I developed Gestational Diabetes, Sleep Apnea and got to be around 375 pounds (don't know for sure because I was too heavy for the scales). After I had Sydney, I joined Weight Watchers at 357 pounds and lost 55 pounds in about 6 months. But, old habits die hard,and I started gaining again.
Adding Sydney to the mix brought on a whole new set of challenges. She is a very attention demanding child. I lucked out with the boys because they had each other and they were never very demanding. Growing up as an only child, I am used to quiet time and time to myself. That was completely stripped away when I had Sydney. The hardest part with her was she was never entertained with anything for very long (neither am I really). So, she was mentally and physically draining.
I began to get more and more tired each day. And, because of that my health and weight quickly got out of control!!! I now have Type 2 Diabetes and have developed such a poor eating and exercise lifestyle, that if I don't snap out of it, I won't live a very long life. Plus, my kids are following in my footsteps, and I REALLY don't want that!
As of Monday, Sydney now will be in school full time. I will be without a kid all day, so I am taking this opportunity to focus on me!! Focus, Focus, Focus!!
I have tried so many different weight loss programs over the years, but none of them worked for various reasons. I was very close to getting the Lap-Band, but decided that I would be extremely unhappy with all the restrictions. Plus, the Lap-Band is a tool, weight loss is 90% mental. So, I need to quit relying on tools and special foods/drinks/pills to fix my problem. It is my fault, plain and simple!! I have to accept responsibility for my actions, and quit looking for someone to make it go away.  I am going to SUCK IT UP and fix it the right way! 
I have started seeing a Nutritionist, and she will teach me how eat a balanced diet and also how many calories I need to eat in order to lose weight at a good rate.
I am going to set a good example to my kids and be the mom that they deserve. I want to play with them without the restrictions of my size. I want to feel beautiful again for my husband. I want to take away the worry that all my loved ones have.
I want to live a long and healthy life with Mike beside me. I want to see my kids grow up and be able to play with their kids!
This is going to be a long and tough journey...it will be a HUGE life adjustment for me! But, I AM READY!!
So, be warned...my moods will be all over the place! Even more than usual! :)
Stay tuned....