It's been almost a year since my last post on my blog, and SO much has happened during that time.
Last year at this time I was in quarantine contemplating life and my choices, trying to reevaluate what I need to do to improve my health. I was speaking with a therapist for awhile and that helped me see certain things from a different perspective. I stepped back from my blog and my Facebook group to focus on my journey without the looming worry of acceptance and input of outside sources. That was ok for awhile, but I missed my friends and the support. I need that encouragement.
After quarantine I looked into getting Lipedema Liposuction on my lower body to get rid of the excess fat that won't budge with diet and exercise due to the Lipedema disease. I thought by doing this it would make me feel better and get around easier and give my body a reboot to start over without stubborn fat literally and figuratively weighing me down. The surgeon advised me to consult a Functional Medicine doctor to do extensive testing to help figure out why I have so many different health issues. I did just that. Initially I was 100% on board and excited to see what all the testing would uncover. It was pricey but worth it if I get answers. I started a Paleo detox and did what they directed me to do. That was Phase 1. After about a month, results came in and it was time to decide if I wanted to pursue Phase 2...even more $$$$. I was becoming uneasy with moving forward bc it felt sketchy with empty promises. So we declined going forward because per my Primary doctor's advise, all the results were manageable without spending thousands of dollars with this other doctor.
Ok. So here we are AGAIN. Same issues as before. But, NOW my moods were very erratic and all over the place. I KNEW my hormones were screwed up. I researched new Endocrinologists bc my previous one was a dipshit and very unimpressive. He was quite aware of my 4cm (size of a lime) Adrenal tumor; as well as, my Diabetes and various other issues that should raise red flags when grouped together. Also, I made it known that I suspected that my Cortisol has been out of whack since my twenties. PLUS, to a doctor, they should recognize that I exhibit many symptoms that would suggest my Cortisol level needed to be tested more thoroughly, but he did not do that. He dismissed the tumor being problematic because it was noncancerous in appearance on the CT-Scan; eventhough, it was at a size that should've been removed. He did a basic blood panel that didn't show numbers that he thought were off. Although I was never called by anyone to go over those results in detail. I learned from my current Endocrinologist that Cortisol fluctuates drastically throughout the day, that's why blood, urine and saliva are all necessary to confirm a problem. It's a hard and frustrating diagnosis to make. Each test is done at a certain time with strict instructions to get the most accurate reading. I found this out a few months ago. My old Endocrinologist did ONE blood test. That's it! ONE. And sent me on my way. 🤬😡
Moving on...
Fast forward FIVE years!!! This DAMN Adrenal tumor has been a worry on my mind since I found out about it. As I researched the function of the Adrenals, it was becoming more and more apparent that this tumor is not just a cute little blob there to add a little bling 💎 in order to make it feel more attractive. There was actually something more going on.
So... I did what any neurotic and determined woman would do. I went on an Adrenal tumor Google search frenzy. A journey down the WebMD rabbit hole, if you will. Which usually ended in a diagnosis that had me knocking on Death's door. 🤷♀️ But THEN I came across Cushing's Syndrome. 💡💡 OH MY GOODNESS. This condition had Jill written all over it! Could this be the answer???
Cushing's Syndrome "Hypercortisolism" aka the silent predator that causes havoc on everything within the body.
MY BODY. FOR 20 YEARS.
Weight gain ✔
Diabetes and uncontrolled blood sugar ✔
Fatigue ✔
High Blood Pressure ✔
Muscle weakness and Osteoarthritis ✔
Memory and Concentration issues ✔
Anxiety and Depression ✔
Thin skin and easy bruising ✔
Overthinking and low tolerance to stress ✔
Water retention, salt & chocolate cravings ✔
Vertigo and blurred vision ✔
Insomnia and sleep problems ✔
Fat hump between the shoulders & stretch marks ✔
Round and red face, facial hair, acne ✔
Cognitive difficulties and Emotional instability ✔
🤔 I think that's it. Seriously. I'm a mess.
Most of these issues I've dealt with for about 20 years. TWENTY YEARS of Cortisol running rampant causing my body to be in stress mode 24/7. Numerous visits to various doctors treating me for each of these conditions individually. All of them staring at a morbidly obese woman and using that as their answer to my problems. I don't deny that my habits and food choices accelerated and magnified each of these conditions. But I was also working with a body that was working against me in so many ways. It's like walking straight into 40 mph winds...you'll make very slow progress moving forward, you'll get knocked down a lot and you'll get pushed back if you aren't strong enough to withstand the pressure.
It's so frustrating to look back at all those years of my body slowly breaking down, blaming myself for not being strong enough to resist temptation. Overeating to medicate my emotions. Feeling embarrassed because I can't remember things and my attention span is lacking to say the least. I have sat on the sidelines of so many activities bc I wasn't physically able to do them. My kids have grown up with a mom that has so much more to offer but my body has been incapable of showing them that. It just, makes me sad. And furious too. I am so annoyed at my previous Endocrinologist. But... what's done is done. I can't dwell on the past. I need to focus on the future and the new possibilities.
I'm getting surgery this week. An Adrenalectomy to remove my right Adrenal Gland. Right now, my left Adrenal Gland is "asleep" because the right one is overproducing almost everything. After my surgery, I will need hormone replacements temporarily until the remaining gland is functioning properly.
I watched a seminar given by an Endocrine surgeon in regards to the recovery of patients after getting an Adrenalectomy due to Cushing's Syndrome. She compared the recovery to a herion withdrawal. 😔🥺 My body will go from having too much Cortisol "the stress hormone" to none in a matter of 3 hours. Not to mention, I believe it's been like that for 20 years. Almost half my life. My body could quite possibly go into shock. I'll get the hormone replacements but I'm not sure how fast they'll react and how long it'll take to get the proper dose.
She also discussed the rate of improvement on all the symptoms involved. She said that every patient's recovery is different just as every patient's cocktail of symptoms is different. The blood sugar, HBP will improve sooner, weight loss is usual but calorie intake still needs to be watched. The moods and "brain stuff" will be gradual and my loved ones will probably notice that before I do. The muscle weakness will be a slower turnaround because that will need to be built back up. To sum it up, it's not an immediate fix after surgery. It'll take months to years to get things functioning normally.
I am beyond relieved that I was able to identify what the root of all my problems is. I don't feel crazy or like I'm making up excuses when I say that there's something more going on. There's something deeper than my food addictions and behaviors that's causing my rapidly declining health.
I am so hopeful. I am looking forward to feeling the life return back to my body and mind. I am praying that my surgery and recovery will go well and without surprises or complications. This has been a long time coming.
