How do you change the self-talk and inner dialogue that you have done with yourself for years and years??
It's possible. Not easy, but possible.
You don't realize how awful you speak to yourself until you actually take the time to listen and hear what you say.
When you look at yourself in the mirror...what is your inner dialogue? What are you mentally telling yourself? Now...think about those thoughts and ask yourself, "Would I say these things to my child or someone I love?" The answer will most likely be "No." So...why do we say these things to ourselves??
When you look at yourself in the mirror...what is your inner dialogue? What are you mentally telling yourself? Now...think about those thoughts and ask yourself, "Would I say these things to my child or someone I love?" The answer will most likely be "No." So...why do we say these things to ourselves??
The reason that I do, is because I am not happy with how I have let myself go over the years. Disgusted, is probably more accurate. So a natural response is to be critical, and then speak very unkindly to that reflection. But...cutting myself down and speaking negatively will not help me change that reflection. I think of it like this...what is the best way to motivate me? Answer: I respond best to positive reinforcement, praise and kind words of encouragement. Which is exactly what I would do for my kids or anyone else feeling down. I don't believe in demeaning or belittling anyone. If they already feel awful, the last thing I want to do is make them feel worse. Which goes back to my original question...why do we say these things to ourselves??
I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I have been on countless diets and programs. I have come close to getting the Lap-Band. I have lost weight, gained weight, lost inches, gained inches, went down sizes in clothes, went up sizes in clothes...OVER and OVER again. I have had words of concern and advice given to me...OVER and OVER again. I am not naïve to where I am at currently with my health and weight. I am not ignoring it. I am just trying to understand the problem and how to help myself the best way and a permanent way.
With age comes wisdom, right? And, we learn from our mistakes.
I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I have been on countless diets and programs. I have come close to getting the Lap-Band. I have lost weight, gained weight, lost inches, gained inches, went down sizes in clothes, went up sizes in clothes...OVER and OVER again. I have had words of concern and advice given to me...OVER and OVER again. I am not naïve to where I am at currently with my health and weight. I am not ignoring it. I am just trying to understand the problem and how to help myself the best way and a permanent way.
With age comes wisdom, right? And, we learn from our mistakes.
I have known all along that if I want to lose weight for good and get my health back, I have got to address the main problem. My thoughts. If I don't fix my head, whatever changes I make physically, will be temporary.
I have reconnected with my old trainer, Aimee, to work on fixing my head. She did wonders for me a couple of years ago and since then she has expanded her expertise to the mental part of self help. Which is perfect to help me get back on track. She recommended that I read a book called "Love Yourself Lighter" by Suyin Nichols. I LOVE this book. It is a feel good book that helps you to understand the power of positive thinking and the "Why's?" behind the weight. Very eye-opening for sure!!
A few quotes that I like from this book:
"The way you think influences every choice you make and every action that you take."
"Creating your healthiest body begins in your mind, not in the gym or on your plate."
"Having a healthy mind is just as important as having a healthy body. Be sure to spend equal energy on cultivating both."
I don't know how many times I have become so bitter and irritated after a day of dieting or exercising, that I would surrender to those feelings and give up. How is that going to help me?? It won't. The solution...keep things simple and be compassionate. DO NOT expect yourself to change overnight. And DO NOT force yourself to do something you don't like. This is a lifestyle change, so make it enjoyable. Don't deny yourself of the things you love, just be mindful to not indulge in the less healthier things in excess. I know for me, if I forbid myself of something I love...chocolate...I will want it that much more! But, if I know it is ok to have some, in moderation, it becomes less tempting.
Also, if I choose to do something that I feel is the "proper or correct" thing to do, but I don't enjoy it, I will come up with all kinds of excuses not to do it. For example, there are certain exercises that I HATE...Burpees is one of them. I HATE Burpees! Aimee made me do them when we worked out and they sucked! So...if I want to enjoy my exercise routine, I will NOT include Burpees. There are other options that will be more enjoyable for me. In fact, my dislike of Burpees actually became a punishment or "motivation" to make wiser food choices. On Halloween, Aimee told me that I had to do one Burpee for every piece of candy that I ate. Needless to say...that Halloween sucked. No candy for me. :P
Talking with Aimee over the last several weeks has been very helpful for me. I have become more aware of my thoughts...my self-talk...my inner dialogue and I have made a conscious effort to be nicer to myself. She has also made me aware of the fact that I create a lot of drama and stress on myself by having thoughts that aren't backed with evidence. In other words, I assume things that aren't true ALL THE TIME. I create a kind of paranoia that hinders me from focusing on myself and making progress. I am so overly sensitive to other's perceptions of me that it can affect how I function. Aimee is helping me to distinguish the difference between a thought that I have generated on my own from an actual fact that can be supported and is valid. Once I make that distinction, it will change the way I feel and will produce a healthier action. It's all very hard to explain. That book clarifies it better. In short, positive thinking will work wonders in helping me conquer this life long battle.
In one of our conversations, I had a tearful "a-ha" moment. She asked what my ideal weight would be. So, my automated response was 150 lbs. That is what I have felt my weight "should" be in order to reach my goal. It was the lowest weight I made it to in high school after my first Weight Watchers program. It is the lightest I have been in my late teen/adult life, so that is the number that has stuck with me.
After she asked me that, she asked me how much I weigh now...which is around 400 lbs. She wanted me to explain how that makes me feel. Which I did. She then asked me to picture myself and really envision how I would feel right now if I was at 300 lbs. I answered, that I would still not be happy because even though it is 100 lbs. lighter, it is still a size that puts many restrictions on my abilities and I will still have the same medical problems. She then asked me to envision myself at 150 lbs. And I told her that I can honestly say that I have NEVER known what it feels like to be happy at any weight, so I don't know how it would make me feel. When I was at 150 lbs., I was in high school standing next to my friends who were still thinner than me. I was blessed with curves...I love that now, but it wasn't the typical high school body form. Which meant that even though I was at a good size, it didn't make me happy because I was still "overweight" and "big".
After that we bounced up to 200 lbs. How does that make me feel? And, I instantly broke into tears. It's funny how certain thoughts can create such a powerful emotion. When I had that response it made me wonder why obviously. When I was 200 lbs., I was out of high school and all the scrutiny of being the "perfect" size. I was working full time and I was in a good place emotionally. I had just started dating Mike and I was feeling good about myself...wearing cute clothes and happy with my figure. So...that number, that 200 lb. vision has great memories to go along with it. I like the memories associated with that number much more than the 150 lb. one. And, with that tearful response, Aimee said, "I think we found your goal weight."
So, for all these years, I have just assumed that 150 lbs. is what I had to aim for. And, all along I have had bad memories with it. So, as Aimee puts it...of course I won't strive to get there because it doesn't create a desirable image for me. I mean, why would I want to be a weight that still made me miserable? Right?
After this conversation, I felt alive again. It sparked a whole new desire to get back on that horse. This time with the ammo that I need to make the permanent changes I have been so desperate for. I have the power and knowledge to control my thoughts and transform them into motivating and compassionate and honest words of encouragement. It won't happen overnight. I can't change the way I have spoke for so many years all at once. It will take time and effort and consistency. But, I am worth it!! I am tired of being a prisoner in my own body. I want a transformation that will last for MANY years to come.
I am POSITIVE that I have the ability to make this happen. I am making the change to become a healthier and happier and more energetic woman. I am in the process of bringing back the Jill that I know I am. It will be long, difficult journey with lots of speedbumps, but I am ready for the challenge. Game on!!
