Finding my Normal

"When things get back to normal, I will start my diet."
"When things get back to normal, I will go to the gym."
"Once life slows down, I can focus on myself."
"I will start on Monday."
I have been saying these statements for over 20 years. I have started a diet on Monday hundreds of times. Why Monday?? Because it's usually the most dreaded day. So...why not?? Let's throw some more miserable into that day. But, really it's a way to appease the guilt I feel for not taking care of myself. "I'll start on Monday." In other words...it's ok to be bad today because 'I'll start taking care of myself later.' Well...how good has that worked for me so far?? It hasn't.
I have joined Weight Watchers dozens of times over the years and each time it's because 'I have GOT to do something about my weight'. So, I figure I will join a diet program and it will magically change who I am and the weight will melt off. I tend to forget that joining is just the first step, I have to actually follow the program and change my eating habits if I want to see results. I'm usually pretty good for a couple of weeks, then I get bored or frustrated and give up. The same goes for joining a gym or buying exercise equipment, they have to actually be used in order to see results. Right?
Unrealistic Expectations.
THIS is where I set myself up for failure.
"When things get back to normal, I will..." *fill in the blank* How many times have I said that? And honestly, what is normal?? Heck if I know. By saying this, it helps me feel better about slacking off. But really, it's just another excuse to put off something that I don't want to do. Everyday I imagine a stress free life where there are no unexpected hiccups to mess up my plans. I guess that's what I would view as normal. Boring. Uneventful. I long for that type of lifestyle because I do not function very well when I have too much on my plate. I get very overwhelmed and then I shut down. I don't like having all my days and evenings filled with activities. I believe in keeping my family active but not to the point where we are so rushed and busy that we can hardly even say hello to each other. I enjoy lazy days and evenings to watch movies, play games, go out to eat or just chill. That to me keeps everyone more well rounded and less anxious and creates happier memories than shuttling ourselves back and forth to anything and everything that we can be signed up for.
I think another reason that keeps me from really buckling down and sticking to a plan that includes activities is, fear of my activities interfering with other things that could come up. Now how is that for logic? LOL! I am more willing to throw away my plans than I am at saying no to someone in need. In some cases that's good I guess, but in the long run it's really hurting me. This is where putting myself first and sticking to my plan comes into play. I worry about how that will be portrayed to those around me. I don't like to appear selfish or unavailable, but I know that I need to be, in order to get myself back in shape. So, this is where I practice saying, "Sorry, I can't. I have plans to go to the gym." I know everyone will understand and be happy to hear it. I just HATE saying no to someone asking for my help or whatever it may be.
Building a better relationship with myself.
When I talk to any single person headed for marriage I counsel to them the importance of the 3 C's (one of my own formulas for a successful marriage, not that I'm an expert by any stretch of the means). The 3 C's are... Compassion, Communication and Compromise.
This formula is just as important in building a healthy relationship with myself as it is in keeping a healthy marriage. I think the hardest one of those would be compassion. How often am I faced with someone that is thinner, smarter, prettier, more talented at something? Everyday, multiple times usually. And each time, it deflates my mood a little. I think it is human nature to compare ourselves to those we admire. It gives us something to strive for I guess. But, it can also lead us into a continuous path of trying to be someone we're not. This is where compassion comes into play.
I'll give you an example...Pioneer Woman. I admire her tremendously. How I yearn to be so into providing such beautiful meals that are homemade and creative and so thoughtfully put together. Reality check. 1. What I am seeing is a TV show that is edited. Is this who she really is? To some degree yes. BUT...how often are these meals made?? Does she have cereal night? My point is, I can't beat myself up for not being her because I have NO idea what's actually going on behind the camera.
Same goes for social media, PTA moms, church moms, etc... We see a small glimpse into the lives of these individuals.
Do any of us like to post or advertise our short comings or bad days? Not usually. I'm not going to post a picture of the whole pizza and pint of ice cream I just ate. I'm going to post a picture of the most healthy meals or whenever I go to the gym. You know why? Because I'm proud of that and I want to share it. However...it paints a false picture of my day to day life. I screw up. I am not always a great role model to my kids. I yell. I rebel. I hate homework and I don't enforce it like I should. I say bad words and tell dirty jokes. We eat junk food and play on our phones WAY too much. I am human. I am not perfect. My point...don't assume those who we admire have their shit together. Be compassionate to your imperfections and be the best version of yourself.
Communication and Compromise. Once I have learned the compassion part, now it's time to have a heart to heart with myself. What are my goals? What am I truly capable of and WILLING to do? Be realistic. My initial response would be an "all or nothing" type of challenge. "I am going to eliminate ALL sugar and soda and fast food and work out EVERYDAY!" Ummm...NO. That's unrealistic. I know how pissy and moody I get when things are taken away. THIS is where compromise comes into play. I know I have to wean down on junk food, but I have to be compassionate to my sanity too. What can I handle giving up to start with? Should I start with eliminating one thing at a time or work on knocking down all junk food gradually? Should I exercise a little bit everyday or should I work out aggressively a few days a week? Communication, Compassion and Compromise will help answer those questions.
I will be 40 years old this year. I am actually quite excited about it. I look forward to each decade because it's like a new chapter in my life. How will this one be written? I am the author, so it's up to me. All I know is that my 30's were lived with lots of limitations due to my health and weight gain and I am not about to let another decade go by without living life to the fullest. Now that our kids are getting older and require less round the clock attention, I feel more at ease with spending more time on myself. I am excited to see what I am capable of. :)