Diabetes is no joke. I am finally coming to realize what a temperamental disease this is.
I have been Diabetic for about 12 years and for about 10 of those years I have ignored it. I took the meds that were prescribed and went along my business with no regard to how my lifestyle was affecting my health. I trusted that if I just took the meds, I could still live like I wanted to. Little did I know that my body was slowly breaking down. I have been pretty healthy all my life, so whenever I felt out of sorts, I blamed it on weather or allergies. It made sense to me at the time. But, denial is really what it was. I didn't understand Diabetes and I had no desire to learn. I didn't want to hear bad news that could jeopardize the way I was living. Ignorance is bliss. So I thought.
Well, my bliss has expired, and now I must face reality. Currently, I am at an all time low. I have put on so much weight and have been on a accelerating downward spiral for a few years. It's been one health problem after another. And, sometimes I wonder how much of it is actually just the Diabetes wreaking havoc. A year ago I was diagnosed with Lipolymphedema in my legs, but I frequently wonder if that is an accurate diagnosis. If so, I will suffer with leg issues forever. If it's the Diabetes, then I have a chance of having legs that don't frustrate me 75% of everyday once I get my sugar in check permanently. That would be awesome!! Because, not only do they feel tight, tender and like cement all day, but now I have a pinched nerve that hurts all the time and my knees are starting to give out and hurt. It's miserable and makes it hard to do any kind of activity.
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is the hardest thing for me to do. MUCH harder than raising kids...twins even! The temptations for me are SO strong and the habits I've developed are so bad. I have a consistent pattern of doing well for a couple of weeks then I miss my old ways and fall off the wagon big time. And it's usually worse than before...if that's possible. It's an irrational thought process that I go through. I consider eating healthy a punishment, so when I am obedient and behave like I'm supposed to, I think I should be rewarded. With food. It will start as a small reward that becomes bigger and bigger then eventually I release myself from the punishment because I've totally screwed up. That's the best way I can think of to describe it. Bottom line is I am spoiled, I like the way I eat because it tastes good and it's easy. I don't want to give that up. I am scared to. Living any other way is so foreign to me.
Because of my size and multiple health problems my quality of life has plummeted and my risk of death has skyrocketed. Very scary to admit and accept.
In order to reverse this I have decided to get weight loss surgery. It wasn't the route I ever wanted to go, but the risks of me not taking this extreme measure outweighs the risks of surgery. I will be getting the Gastric Sleeve. My surgeon thinks it's best to start with that because of my other health issues...history of blood clots being the most concerning. If I don't see the results I want then he can go back in and do the rerouting part which will increase the weight loss results. I'm not looking to be thin, in fact I like being a bit pudgy (curvy). I just want to have an INDEPENDENT life again. I miss doing normal things, walking up stairs, doing outdoor activities, fitting into regular chairs. I'm tired of being huge, unable to walk, getting winded all the time, depending on my family so much.
I have already started the process to prepare for the surgery. I've seen most of the specialists I'm supposed to. My insurance requires that I follow a medically supervised diet for 6 months and lose at least 5% of my weight. I was put on a low carb diet, taken off insulin and put on another form of diabetic medication that isn't insulin. At first I was excited to start this diet and saw outstanding results immediately. I lost weight quickly and my sugar level went in range right away. Well...as usual, the temptations and draw to old habits reared its ugly head again. I've still managed to lose some more weight, but my sugars are through the roof again. Time to reevaluate and readdress my meds again until I can behave and stick to the low carb diet like I was told to.
The most frustrating part of this is my own childish behavior and my lack of self control. The fact that I continuously let down my family and worry them kills me. The fact that I know what I'm supposed to do, but my inner voice is SO persuasive, SO persistent and nonstop, I feed it to shut it up. The funny part is that feeding brings on a whole other inner voice. But, that that one isn't quite so loud.
I am so disappointed in myself right now. I am still gung ho about this surgery because I am anxious to see how I respond both physically and mentally. I know I'll be a nightmare to tolerate for a while. My self talk will be so important for my recovery and success. Luckily, I have always been a very positive person and can see the silver lining in most things. So that's good. But, the Diabetes magnifies the difficulties I have because when my sugar is high, I'm emotional, tired, hungry, irritable and all things that lead to self destruction with food. And, I eat junk just in order to have the feel good hormone back for just a little while, which raises my blood sugar. This cycle repeats itself all day.
There are 2 different "feel good" states of mind that I have. The one with junk food is like a drug high that I'm giddy and just happy. The one with healthy food is clarity and energy. I like them both, but the junk food one tastes better, so I choose that one the majority of the time. My goal is to find that balance so I can have a better relationship with food. One that I can marry happiness with clarity. That is my dream.
For the meantime, I will continue to get ready for surgery. My ups and downs are far from over. I just hope that my family will be forgiving of my setbacks. And that I can remain strong and stay positive.
Tuesday, July 17, 2018
Friday, March 23, 2018
The lonely life of obesity.
Being an obese person is a very lonely life.
It's a life that is watched from the sidelines. No one truly understands what goes on in the mind of an obese person. So, let me enlighten you with what goes on in mine.
Guilt, anger, disgust, fear, anxiety, despair and humiliation. A lot of times many of these emotions are felt at the same time. I am in a constant internal war with myself over anything relating to my current condition.
Being obese is not something that we strive to be. At least, I hope not. There are so many factors that play into the progression of gaining weight. And each person is unique in their journey. For me, it isn't one thing. Each stage of my life has brought on different challenges. Food is what I chose to comfort the stress I was experiencing at that time. No matter what doctors say, food is a drug. Addiction to food is a real thing. I know. I live it. I struggle every minute of every day to overcome it. Food gives me a high that I crave when I'm feeling low. It immediately improves my mood to the point that reason is no longer there. Meaning, I know what I'm doing to myself, but I don't care because I feel so much better at this moment and I want it to last. And since I know that food gives me that high, I seek it. I use any excuse to abuse it. I will go out of my way just to get it. I enjoy time alone because I can get my fix without anyone knowing. Who am I fooling, right? I am now 450 lbs, so I think the secret is out...it was revealed a long time ago. Now my sneaking around is more of a way to avoid answering for myself.
When I say this is a lonely life, it's no joke. I have a lot of people in my life whom I love beyond words and they love me and are always there for me. But, I am lonely because there are so many things that I can't do with them because of my obesity. So...I watch from the sidelines. I stay home. It's much easier to do that then deal with the emotions I go through because of my limitations.
Guilt- it's the one emotion that doesn't go away. I feel guilt about what I've done to myself, I feel guilt for the burden and worry I have put on my family, I feel guilt when I don't participate in an activity because I can't physically or I don't want to risk humiliation, I feel guilt when I eat something I know I shouldn't, I feel guilt when I sit on my butt all day...the list goes on and on. It is very exhausting to be disappointed in yourself all the time. So...how to I cope? I eat.
Anger- I typically am not an angry person, but I do reach those days where the guilt gets too much and I become angry with myself for not being stronger. I am angry at the choices I make and have made knowing what the outcome will be. I am angry that food has so much control over me.
Disgust- When I look in the mirror, I truly do love who I see. I know I am a good person. I know that I am loved and needed. Which is why there is disgust. How could I treat myself this way knowing and feeling these things? I am disgusted at what my body has become due to my actions. I have become dependent on everyone to help me with simple things. I have pill boxes that are filled with a handful of pills I have to take twice a day just to manage the symptoms caused by my obesity. I have to wear an insulin patch that irritates my skin and gets in the way all the time because I have indulged in so much sugar that my body just can't keep up anymore.
Fear- I look at my kids everyday and think 'What would they do without me?' Their life would certainly lack humor, that's for sure. I just can't imagine the void they'd feel. I have such a special relationship with each of them that it breaks my heart to even think about how much they'd miss me if something were to happen. Same goes for my husband. Plus...I don't even want to think about him marrying another woman and that woman becoming a mother figure to my kids. No way. No one can replace me! Yes, I mean that. And, my parents. No parent should ever lose a child. I am an only child, and am very close to both of them. My mom is my best friend and my dad is someone that I just need for many things to help calm me and keep me focused. My fear is that my body will give up and they all have to deal with that loss. I also look forward to living a long life and being there to watch my kids grow up and grow old with Mike. I really fear that not happening.
Anxiety- I now have a Handicap placard that I keep in my car. The main reason being is my anxiety. I got it after my last episode with blood clots, so there were other health reasons too. But, the real reason I wanted it, was to alleviate some of the anxiety I get whenever I have to run errands or go out anywhere. There are many worries I have before I leave the house. I worry about a car parking too close to my van so I won't be able to open my door wide enough to get in. I worry about having to park far away and being exhausted before I even start my task. My anxiety also keeps me from doing a lot of activities that have questionable seating and climbing of stairs. I have had to miss out on going to sports games, concerts and outdoor activities. It's no fun to watch others enjoy these activities while you sit on your obese butt that's too big to squeeze into those tiny (normal) sized seats or go up stairs with no handrail.
Despair- I know I have a problem, an addiction. I have tried over and over to lose weight on my own, only to fail and gain back more than I lost. I just don't know how to help myself anymore. How can I find that switch in my head to stop slowly killing myself with food? Weight loss surgery, that's what it has come to. But, I still have to change my behavior. I sure hope that between the "hunger" hormone that's removed during the removal of part of the stomach and seeing weight loss results quicker, that will be what I need to continue in the right direction and make the lifestyle changes I need to. For good.
Humiliation- This one is huge. No pun intended. I feel like a circus freak wherever I go. 'Look at that enormous woman!' "How could she do that to herself?!' This is what I think everyone is saying to themselves. I now have to ride that stupid scooter when I go shopping if I want to accomplish a lengthy shopping trip. I HATE that! I used to be disgusted at the people who were too fat and out of shape to walk on their own. Now I am one!! Humiliating. Anything and everything that I can't do because of my size is humiliating. Every time I have to squeeze into something, it's a reminder of how fat I am. And, humiliating.
These are the reasons why being obese is a lonely life. I stay home. I say no to fun things. I watch others do what I wish I could. That is lonely.
I am not writing this for pity, or sympathy or because I feel sorry for myself. Whether it's genetics, addiction or a traumatic experience, it doesn't matter. I am responsible for the consequences of my choices. I am not going to just watch myself deteriorate and die without trying all I can to fix the problem. I have too much to live for. Too much to look forward to. I have lost enough time being on the sidelines. I'm ready to be a part of the fun.
I just ask you to be compassionate to those that are obese. It's not as simple as 'Why don't they just stop eating so much crap?' I wish it were that simple. The emotional side is far more powerful than you think. Unfortunately, those that don't have this addiction, don't understand that.
It's a life that is watched from the sidelines. No one truly understands what goes on in the mind of an obese person. So, let me enlighten you with what goes on in mine.
Guilt, anger, disgust, fear, anxiety, despair and humiliation. A lot of times many of these emotions are felt at the same time. I am in a constant internal war with myself over anything relating to my current condition.
Being obese is not something that we strive to be. At least, I hope not. There are so many factors that play into the progression of gaining weight. And each person is unique in their journey. For me, it isn't one thing. Each stage of my life has brought on different challenges. Food is what I chose to comfort the stress I was experiencing at that time. No matter what doctors say, food is a drug. Addiction to food is a real thing. I know. I live it. I struggle every minute of every day to overcome it. Food gives me a high that I crave when I'm feeling low. It immediately improves my mood to the point that reason is no longer there. Meaning, I know what I'm doing to myself, but I don't care because I feel so much better at this moment and I want it to last. And since I know that food gives me that high, I seek it. I use any excuse to abuse it. I will go out of my way just to get it. I enjoy time alone because I can get my fix without anyone knowing. Who am I fooling, right? I am now 450 lbs, so I think the secret is out...it was revealed a long time ago. Now my sneaking around is more of a way to avoid answering for myself.
When I say this is a lonely life, it's no joke. I have a lot of people in my life whom I love beyond words and they love me and are always there for me. But, I am lonely because there are so many things that I can't do with them because of my obesity. So...I watch from the sidelines. I stay home. It's much easier to do that then deal with the emotions I go through because of my limitations.
Guilt- it's the one emotion that doesn't go away. I feel guilt about what I've done to myself, I feel guilt for the burden and worry I have put on my family, I feel guilt when I don't participate in an activity because I can't physically or I don't want to risk humiliation, I feel guilt when I eat something I know I shouldn't, I feel guilt when I sit on my butt all day...the list goes on and on. It is very exhausting to be disappointed in yourself all the time. So...how to I cope? I eat.
Anger- I typically am not an angry person, but I do reach those days where the guilt gets too much and I become angry with myself for not being stronger. I am angry at the choices I make and have made knowing what the outcome will be. I am angry that food has so much control over me.
Disgust- When I look in the mirror, I truly do love who I see. I know I am a good person. I know that I am loved and needed. Which is why there is disgust. How could I treat myself this way knowing and feeling these things? I am disgusted at what my body has become due to my actions. I have become dependent on everyone to help me with simple things. I have pill boxes that are filled with a handful of pills I have to take twice a day just to manage the symptoms caused by my obesity. I have to wear an insulin patch that irritates my skin and gets in the way all the time because I have indulged in so much sugar that my body just can't keep up anymore.
Fear- I look at my kids everyday and think 'What would they do without me?' Their life would certainly lack humor, that's for sure. I just can't imagine the void they'd feel. I have such a special relationship with each of them that it breaks my heart to even think about how much they'd miss me if something were to happen. Same goes for my husband. Plus...I don't even want to think about him marrying another woman and that woman becoming a mother figure to my kids. No way. No one can replace me! Yes, I mean that. And, my parents. No parent should ever lose a child. I am an only child, and am very close to both of them. My mom is my best friend and my dad is someone that I just need for many things to help calm me and keep me focused. My fear is that my body will give up and they all have to deal with that loss. I also look forward to living a long life and being there to watch my kids grow up and grow old with Mike. I really fear that not happening.
Anxiety- I now have a Handicap placard that I keep in my car. The main reason being is my anxiety. I got it after my last episode with blood clots, so there were other health reasons too. But, the real reason I wanted it, was to alleviate some of the anxiety I get whenever I have to run errands or go out anywhere. There are many worries I have before I leave the house. I worry about a car parking too close to my van so I won't be able to open my door wide enough to get in. I worry about having to park far away and being exhausted before I even start my task. My anxiety also keeps me from doing a lot of activities that have questionable seating and climbing of stairs. I have had to miss out on going to sports games, concerts and outdoor activities. It's no fun to watch others enjoy these activities while you sit on your obese butt that's too big to squeeze into those tiny (normal) sized seats or go up stairs with no handrail.
Despair- I know I have a problem, an addiction. I have tried over and over to lose weight on my own, only to fail and gain back more than I lost. I just don't know how to help myself anymore. How can I find that switch in my head to stop slowly killing myself with food? Weight loss surgery, that's what it has come to. But, I still have to change my behavior. I sure hope that between the "hunger" hormone that's removed during the removal of part of the stomach and seeing weight loss results quicker, that will be what I need to continue in the right direction and make the lifestyle changes I need to. For good.
Humiliation- This one is huge. No pun intended. I feel like a circus freak wherever I go. 'Look at that enormous woman!' "How could she do that to herself?!' This is what I think everyone is saying to themselves. I now have to ride that stupid scooter when I go shopping if I want to accomplish a lengthy shopping trip. I HATE that! I used to be disgusted at the people who were too fat and out of shape to walk on their own. Now I am one!! Humiliating. Anything and everything that I can't do because of my size is humiliating. Every time I have to squeeze into something, it's a reminder of how fat I am. And, humiliating.
These are the reasons why being obese is a lonely life. I stay home. I say no to fun things. I watch others do what I wish I could. That is lonely.
I am not writing this for pity, or sympathy or because I feel sorry for myself. Whether it's genetics, addiction or a traumatic experience, it doesn't matter. I am responsible for the consequences of my choices. I am not going to just watch myself deteriorate and die without trying all I can to fix the problem. I have too much to live for. Too much to look forward to. I have lost enough time being on the sidelines. I'm ready to be a part of the fun.
I just ask you to be compassionate to those that are obese. It's not as simple as 'Why don't they just stop eating so much crap?' I wish it were that simple. The emotional side is far more powerful than you think. Unfortunately, those that don't have this addiction, don't understand that.
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Goodbye 2017...good riddance.
It's a new year, and you know what that means...new start.
Why is it we always wait until the new year to make changes?? It's kinda like waiting until Monday to start your diet. Whatever the reason, I don't care. I'm going to do the same thing this new year as I did last year. Forget about anything that I did or that happened to get me off my plan to good health. It's a new year! Woohoo!!
But first, shall we officially say goodbye to 2017.
AKA...the WORST year of my life. Serious. No joke.
It started off bad and just kept getting worse. The ONLY saving grace or high point of the year was our family trip to Florida and adopting two adorable little kittens. The rest of the year for me personally just plain sucked.
I can't say that it was out of my control though...most of it anyway. All of my poor decisions and habits over the last 20 years has lead up to this awful year. I have made it no secret that I eat like crap and hate to exercise. I have tried numerous times over the years to change and get on the right track. Each time, certain that this is the last time and I will prevail. And, I do well for awhile, but then fall off the wagon for one reason or another and revert back to old and familiar habits. Which eventually leads me right back to where I started or worse. I've done this charade more times than I can count, to the point that my family has taken what I say with a grain of salt, when it comes to my 'ready to lose weight' speech. As they should. I certainly haven't proven that I can follow through to the end. I'll lose 20 pounds or 50 pounds, even 85 pounds at one point and then just quit. Why?? Heck, I don't know. I just do. I'm sure there's some deep hidden explanation that I'd have to pay some shrink thousands of dollars to uncover, but I don't have the money or desire to do that. So...I will just make another attempt and have faith that I won't quit this time. I have faith in me. My family has faith in me. They know what I'm capable of and they cheer me on no matter how many times I've let them down. I am so grateful for my constant and unwavering support system.
So, let's recap 2017 shall we. First, I have to say that, I have had a lot of questions answered amidst all of this. And because of that, I have new knowledge about my body, which will help me in my future endeavors. For that, I am thankful.
It started out with the diagnosis of the Lipodema and Lymphedema disorders/diseases involving my lower body. I spent 3 months doing anything the doctors suggested to help remedy all the weight and fluid build up that these diseases have caused. I was not successful. The only thing that has helped this condition is the elimination of a medication that caused water retention. However, by eliminating this medicine, it brought on another problem involving my Diabetes. I will go into that later.
After trying all the methods to reduce the effects of the Lipolymphedema and seeing no results, I signed up to get help surgically. This surgery is a liposuction done to suck out the diseased fat, getting my body back to a more manageable state.
But...my body had other plans.
2017 punch in the face #2...blood clots in my lungs. Pulmonary Embolism (PE). Three to be exact. Second time getting them. Not something to mess around with, so I decide to focus on taking care of that before moving forward with the surgery. I am now on blood thinners for the rest of my life. Lovely. But, I'd rather have that than another clot that could potentially be fatal. I could still get the surgeries for the Lipolymphedema, but after finding out what the total cost would be, I decided to wait for awhile. I want to see what I can do on my own through lifestyle changes before spending that kind of money on a fix that may not work and would be temporary.
Moving on to 2017 punch in the face #3...blood sugar numbers reaching 400. They are supposed to be under 140. This is what happened after I stopped taking that medication I was talking about. I have been functioning with super high blood sugars for months without knowing it. And the reason that I didn't know was...'Ummm, I am a loser Diabetic that doesn't check her sugars?' Bingo! If I ignore it, it will go away. Right?? Ignorance is bliss?? No? Ok fine, all joking aside. One night I felt really crappy and thought 'what the heck, I'll check my sugar', Novel idea. I was shocked to see a '400' on my tester. Crap! That's not good. So, I saw my doctor and he has me now taking Insulin. Which didn't really help much. So, guess what...more Insulin. I'm thinking maybe I should just bathe in it. Would that be weird?? Anyway, I am now sticking myself with needles more times than I care to and I have to say that it's working. My sugars are getting much better and I'm feeling a lot better. Whew.
Bring on 2018!! Thank goodness. Let's put all of this behind me and work on recovery and getting the weight off.
HAHAHAHA!!! NOT.
My body isn't finished yet. On comes the first punch in the face for the new year...Chest pains! That's right! Let's start the new year with a bang!
The pain started on the right side, a shooting pain when I ate. It stopped for awhile, then moved around to my upper back. What is causing this? Hmmm. Let's check out my symptoms and try to figure this out on my own. Because, I mean, we all have unsigned PhD's right? I know I do. I diagnose myself all the time. So, my professional diagnosis after thorough research was Gallbladder stones. I just knew that I had a golf ball sized stone trying to push it's way through a teeny tiny opening and then getting stuck causing me to collapse and be rushed to the hospital. Well, I can't let that happen. So I call the nurse and she didn't seem as overexcited as I was. Such a dud. She had me wait it out and stop eating fried foods. What?! Stop eating fried foods?? That's worse than a golf ball sized gallstone! Ok fine. So, I kinda listened and stopped eating some fried foods. But 2 days later the pain is worse and now focused in the front. My boobs! They were killing me! I tried to get Mike to hold them and make them feel better. But he wouldn't. Stupid kids still living at home. 😒😉 Takes away all the fun.
So, this time the nurse has me come in to see the doctor. They do an EKG on me to check my heart. My heart looks good. Yay! He asks me all kinds of questions about my eating habits, when the pain is the worst and so forth. He has ruled out gallstones. So much for my self taught PhD. He then pushes around on my tummy and gets down to the lower right and pushes in. I about hit the roof. Uh-oh. Appendix. Which I thought was really weird because I have had no pain in that area until he pushed on it. He didn't like the way I reacted to that exam so he ordered a CT Scan. I am actually very excited about this because it will show a picture of my whole abdomen. I have had tummy issues and bowel issues for a long time including a cough that has kept me up at night quite frequently. So, this scan will answer a lot of questions, not just the appendix one. I get to the hospital for my scan and have to drink a ton of water containing contrast, wait an hour and then get a technician that I'm guessing went to the 'how to miss a vein while inserting an IV school' and passed with flying colors. After 30 minutes and numerous arm bruises later, I'm done. Now we wait. Finally, I get a call with the results. Hiatal hernia and Umbilical hernia. After all that. I'm glad that I don't have anything that requires surgery right away. But, guess what I do have. A stupid hernia that requires me to eat better!!! 😡
Have we just come full circle? Eating better. That's the answer to all my problems. When will I learn this. Actually I learned this a long time ago, I was just refusing to do it.
2017 is over. 2018 started off rocky. but has given me peace. I have the answers to all my body questions. I am armed with the knowledge and understanding of what my body is saying and what hurdles I will face. This will help lessen the pressure I put on myself to always have amazing results. I am starting Weight Watchers again and will begin a pool exercise regimen that will be kinder to my body but still work it out. I am setting achievable goals. I am focused on changing my lifestyle permanently. I have slacked off long enough, my body is yelling at me to stop. If I keep tuning it out, sooner or later it will give up. And I don't want that. There's too much I have to look forward to.
Here's to a better 2018 with improved health and lots of weight loss!!
Why is it we always wait until the new year to make changes?? It's kinda like waiting until Monday to start your diet. Whatever the reason, I don't care. I'm going to do the same thing this new year as I did last year. Forget about anything that I did or that happened to get me off my plan to good health. It's a new year! Woohoo!!
But first, shall we officially say goodbye to 2017.
AKA...the WORST year of my life. Serious. No joke.
It started off bad and just kept getting worse. The ONLY saving grace or high point of the year was our family trip to Florida and adopting two adorable little kittens. The rest of the year for me personally just plain sucked.
I can't say that it was out of my control though...most of it anyway. All of my poor decisions and habits over the last 20 years has lead up to this awful year. I have made it no secret that I eat like crap and hate to exercise. I have tried numerous times over the years to change and get on the right track. Each time, certain that this is the last time and I will prevail. And, I do well for awhile, but then fall off the wagon for one reason or another and revert back to old and familiar habits. Which eventually leads me right back to where I started or worse. I've done this charade more times than I can count, to the point that my family has taken what I say with a grain of salt, when it comes to my 'ready to lose weight' speech. As they should. I certainly haven't proven that I can follow through to the end. I'll lose 20 pounds or 50 pounds, even 85 pounds at one point and then just quit. Why?? Heck, I don't know. I just do. I'm sure there's some deep hidden explanation that I'd have to pay some shrink thousands of dollars to uncover, but I don't have the money or desire to do that. So...I will just make another attempt and have faith that I won't quit this time. I have faith in me. My family has faith in me. They know what I'm capable of and they cheer me on no matter how many times I've let them down. I am so grateful for my constant and unwavering support system.
So, let's recap 2017 shall we. First, I have to say that, I have had a lot of questions answered amidst all of this. And because of that, I have new knowledge about my body, which will help me in my future endeavors. For that, I am thankful.
It started out with the diagnosis of the Lipodema and Lymphedema disorders/diseases involving my lower body. I spent 3 months doing anything the doctors suggested to help remedy all the weight and fluid build up that these diseases have caused. I was not successful. The only thing that has helped this condition is the elimination of a medication that caused water retention. However, by eliminating this medicine, it brought on another problem involving my Diabetes. I will go into that later.
After trying all the methods to reduce the effects of the Lipolymphedema and seeing no results, I signed up to get help surgically. This surgery is a liposuction done to suck out the diseased fat, getting my body back to a more manageable state.
But...my body had other plans.
2017 punch in the face #2...blood clots in my lungs. Pulmonary Embolism (PE). Three to be exact. Second time getting them. Not something to mess around with, so I decide to focus on taking care of that before moving forward with the surgery. I am now on blood thinners for the rest of my life. Lovely. But, I'd rather have that than another clot that could potentially be fatal. I could still get the surgeries for the Lipolymphedema, but after finding out what the total cost would be, I decided to wait for awhile. I want to see what I can do on my own through lifestyle changes before spending that kind of money on a fix that may not work and would be temporary.
Moving on to 2017 punch in the face #3...blood sugar numbers reaching 400. They are supposed to be under 140. This is what happened after I stopped taking that medication I was talking about. I have been functioning with super high blood sugars for months without knowing it. And the reason that I didn't know was...'Ummm, I am a loser Diabetic that doesn't check her sugars?' Bingo! If I ignore it, it will go away. Right?? Ignorance is bliss?? No? Ok fine, all joking aside. One night I felt really crappy and thought 'what the heck, I'll check my sugar', Novel idea. I was shocked to see a '400' on my tester. Crap! That's not good. So, I saw my doctor and he has me now taking Insulin. Which didn't really help much. So, guess what...more Insulin. I'm thinking maybe I should just bathe in it. Would that be weird?? Anyway, I am now sticking myself with needles more times than I care to and I have to say that it's working. My sugars are getting much better and I'm feeling a lot better. Whew.
Bring on 2018!! Thank goodness. Let's put all of this behind me and work on recovery and getting the weight off.
HAHAHAHA!!! NOT.
My body isn't finished yet. On comes the first punch in the face for the new year...Chest pains! That's right! Let's start the new year with a bang!
The pain started on the right side, a shooting pain when I ate. It stopped for awhile, then moved around to my upper back. What is causing this? Hmmm. Let's check out my symptoms and try to figure this out on my own. Because, I mean, we all have unsigned PhD's right? I know I do. I diagnose myself all the time. So, my professional diagnosis after thorough research was Gallbladder stones. I just knew that I had a golf ball sized stone trying to push it's way through a teeny tiny opening and then getting stuck causing me to collapse and be rushed to the hospital. Well, I can't let that happen. So I call the nurse and she didn't seem as overexcited as I was. Such a dud. She had me wait it out and stop eating fried foods. What?! Stop eating fried foods?? That's worse than a golf ball sized gallstone! Ok fine. So, I kinda listened and stopped eating some fried foods. But 2 days later the pain is worse and now focused in the front. My boobs! They were killing me! I tried to get Mike to hold them and make them feel better. But he wouldn't. Stupid kids still living at home. 😒😉 Takes away all the fun.
So, this time the nurse has me come in to see the doctor. They do an EKG on me to check my heart. My heart looks good. Yay! He asks me all kinds of questions about my eating habits, when the pain is the worst and so forth. He has ruled out gallstones. So much for my self taught PhD. He then pushes around on my tummy and gets down to the lower right and pushes in. I about hit the roof. Uh-oh. Appendix. Which I thought was really weird because I have had no pain in that area until he pushed on it. He didn't like the way I reacted to that exam so he ordered a CT Scan. I am actually very excited about this because it will show a picture of my whole abdomen. I have had tummy issues and bowel issues for a long time including a cough that has kept me up at night quite frequently. So, this scan will answer a lot of questions, not just the appendix one. I get to the hospital for my scan and have to drink a ton of water containing contrast, wait an hour and then get a technician that I'm guessing went to the 'how to miss a vein while inserting an IV school' and passed with flying colors. After 30 minutes and numerous arm bruises later, I'm done. Now we wait. Finally, I get a call with the results. Hiatal hernia and Umbilical hernia. After all that. I'm glad that I don't have anything that requires surgery right away. But, guess what I do have. A stupid hernia that requires me to eat better!!! 😡
Have we just come full circle? Eating better. That's the answer to all my problems. When will I learn this. Actually I learned this a long time ago, I was just refusing to do it.
2017 is over. 2018 started off rocky. but has given me peace. I have the answers to all my body questions. I am armed with the knowledge and understanding of what my body is saying and what hurdles I will face. This will help lessen the pressure I put on myself to always have amazing results. I am starting Weight Watchers again and will begin a pool exercise regimen that will be kinder to my body but still work it out. I am setting achievable goals. I am focused on changing my lifestyle permanently. I have slacked off long enough, my body is yelling at me to stop. If I keep tuning it out, sooner or later it will give up. And I don't want that. There's too much I have to look forward to.
Here's to a better 2018 with improved health and lots of weight loss!!
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